On the downhill side of treatments now. Eight down, four to go. The neuropathy (numbness in hands and feet)has become more noticeable over the past few weeks. Today I was in the front yard watering the plants and didn't notice (feel)my feet covered in ants. I guess the good thing was I didn't feel them biting as bad, but they still put a bunch of bites on me.
On Wednesday, Dr. Baltz told me that because of the increase in neuropathy symptoms, they will discontinue the Oxiplaitin chemo for the rest of my treatments. That means no 3 hour sessions in the clinic. I'll just pick up my 'buddy' and head home. It also means, HURRAH, that I won't have the neulasta shot after each treatment. My chemo friend Rudy got off Oxi this week (he has one session left)and on Friday I asked him how it was going. He said it was terrific without the Oxi and he was looking forward to not having the shot. The shot is what really knocks you on your butt. The other side effects are tough too, metallic tongue, cold sensitivity, numbness, but anyone who has experienced nausea knows that's the worst!!
As I look ahead to the last four treatments, I cannot believe I have made it this far. This has been, and I will continue to fight if need be, the biggest battle I have faced. I have missed seeing friends from church because I just don't feel well enough to go and the Dr said I should avoid crowds anyway. I missed special events because of this as well. My apologies to Isabel Jones, I missed Tom's memorial service today because I felt so lousy. I will miss Tom, he was a good man.
I slept most of this weekend. It has been so hot, I just can't take it. We did some errands today and it absolutely drained me. I have no energy. But, it is Saturday night and its tapering off and I am looking forward to a good Father's Day. I miss my dad and think of him often. He lost his battle with cancer 18 years ago. I call on his strength to help me through.
I am looking forward to completing these treatments with a resounding successful outcome. I have too many things to look forward to to let this keep me down. Thanks to all my friends for your love and support.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
June 6, 2011 - Monday....finally
Well, they say the effects of chemo are cumulative as you keep going. It is true I guess for some of the side effects. Feet (toes) are numb to the touch. Circulation is fine so no problems there, just tactile sensation is impaired. Trimmed my nails the other day, could not feel the clippers on the nail. Weird, huh? Hands are affected too. Frustrating. Taste buds are going fast. I have had to get used to eating "virtual" food. It looks like a hamburger, even smells like a hamburger, but when I bite into it, it doesn't taste like a hamburger. I hope things get back to normal after I am finished.
So, seven down, five to go. I think I might actually make it! Work has been keeping me busy in between treatments so the weeks go by quickly. I still hate the treatments, but pretty soon 5 will be 4 and eventually 1 and then done!! So far this trek has made me really appreciate my family and friends more than ever. I have tried to tell everyone that the surgery took care of the cancer and the treatments are preventive. Well, that's most of the truth. I guess once its been found you are always waging war. Great news today on the progress made in breast and skin cancer!! Hopefully they will have answers for all the 'Cs' that ail us!!
So its Monday and I finally feel 75% again. It only gets better as the week progresses. Back to San Juan for a couple days to keep me busy and hoping for a great rest of the week. Hopefully the summer will pass quickly and I'll finish up in August.
So, seven down, five to go. I think I might actually make it! Work has been keeping me busy in between treatments so the weeks go by quickly. I still hate the treatments, but pretty soon 5 will be 4 and eventually 1 and then done!! So far this trek has made me really appreciate my family and friends more than ever. I have tried to tell everyone that the surgery took care of the cancer and the treatments are preventive. Well, that's most of the truth. I guess once its been found you are always waging war. Great news today on the progress made in breast and skin cancer!! Hopefully they will have answers for all the 'Cs' that ail us!!
So its Monday and I finally feel 75% again. It only gets better as the week progresses. Back to San Juan for a couple days to keep me busy and hoping for a great rest of the week. Hopefully the summer will pass quickly and I'll finish up in August.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
June 1, 2011 Wednesday....Round 7....Downhill from Here
7:30 pm - Wednesday -- Beginning Round 7 of 12. That means 6 down, 6 to go! Milestone day...had a sit down with the Dr. about the mental and emotional toll chemotherapy has on a person. Once you hear the word 'cancer' nothing is ever the same. Its on your mind, 24/7. I told him how the anxiety builds every day that I come to his office. Today we talked about the depression-inducing strain. He said it was totally understandable; he said it was great that I try to continue with as much normalcy in my daily life. He said that will go a long way to making the treatments successful. BUT....he said you need to realize that I (Dr. Balz) am poisoning you each time you come in. That is not normal and you (and your family)need to accept that. BUT...you are going to do fine. And you know what? I will do fine. I have a lot to look forward to in the very new future, new grandbaby in August (due 2 days after my last treatment, therefore I will be in the uber nausea state and NOT interested in baby 'excretions', so I will see him the next weekend!! ;-)
Dr. Baltz is an amazing guy. He is super friendly, down to earth guy from Louisiana. When we meet and he goes through his physical check on me, he and I chat about our travels, our hobbies (he likes to cook as do I), just relaxing. He really calmed me down and wanted make sure I continued with the progress I have been showing him.
So anyway...7 down, 6 to go. One guy in my session time, Rudy, today was number 10, two to go! I gave him 'the eye' :-) jokingly. I am so happy for him. He is on the same program as me and he is doing great at 10 so I am looking at being as good at the end as he is!!! Then, let the celebrations begin!! I'll be back tomorrow with an update on day 2!!
Dr. Baltz is an amazing guy. He is super friendly, down to earth guy from Louisiana. When we meet and he goes through his physical check on me, he and I chat about our travels, our hobbies (he likes to cook as do I), just relaxing. He really calmed me down and wanted make sure I continued with the progress I have been showing him.
So anyway...7 down, 6 to go. One guy in my session time, Rudy, today was number 10, two to go! I gave him 'the eye' :-) jokingly. I am so happy for him. He is on the same program as me and he is doing great at 10 so I am looking at being as good at the end as he is!!! Then, let the celebrations begin!! I'll be back tomorrow with an update on day 2!!
Friday, May 20, 2011
May 20, 2011 - Friday Round 6....
Well, made it to Round 6...6 to go. As much as I think I know what to expect each round, they're different in some way each time. I stayed home on Wednesday after the treatment and napped off and on the rest of the day which really helped. But I was queasy that evening and both Thursday and Friday. Yuk!! I did discover something that helped with the metallic taste of food. PICKLES!! I could actually enjoy eating Claussen's Refrigerator Pickle Spears (I let them warm up a little so I could eat them). But it was great.
Friday - 8:30 pm Had to try and lay down. Nausea pills don't seem to have the power this time around. Just feeling lousy. Milestone day at work today made me feel better, but I still had to go home at noon. Ugh... I am determined to feel good this weekend so I can get ready to travel again next week. Two weeks ago I was in Anchorage, AK. Weird, the cool air temps made my hands and feet hurt. Well, next week I probably won't have that problem as I head to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I have been looking forward to this trip all spring. I'm a little anxious about the flight, being in the close quarters. Doctor wants me to be careful too.
I started walking on the treadmill again, trying to stay in shape. They say exercise helps in the treatment of illnesses so I'm gonna give it a try. Its been a while so the first time the other morning had me aching that evening!! But I did a mile, that was my goal...nothing less. I'll walk the beaches in PR. Okay, going to try and lay still and fall asleep....
Friday - 8:30 pm Had to try and lay down. Nausea pills don't seem to have the power this time around. Just feeling lousy. Milestone day at work today made me feel better, but I still had to go home at noon. Ugh... I am determined to feel good this weekend so I can get ready to travel again next week. Two weeks ago I was in Anchorage, AK. Weird, the cool air temps made my hands and feet hurt. Well, next week I probably won't have that problem as I head to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I have been looking forward to this trip all spring. I'm a little anxious about the flight, being in the close quarters. Doctor wants me to be careful too.
I started walking on the treadmill again, trying to stay in shape. They say exercise helps in the treatment of illnesses so I'm gonna give it a try. Its been a while so the first time the other morning had me aching that evening!! But I did a mile, that was my goal...nothing less. I'll walk the beaches in PR. Okay, going to try and lay still and fall asleep....
Saturday, May 7, 2011
May 7, 2011 - Saturday
Where did Friday go? Finished up Round 5 by dropping off my 'buddy' back at the clinic. So long for 10 days. The day turned lousy about noon on Friday. Usually it gets bad on Saturday, but this round it hit early. Friday morning, I was done. I was ready to go into the clinic, turn in the infusion pump and call it quits. Done. Each Round doesn't end each Friday when you disconnect. The side effects linger into the next Round and the next. I am pretty sure it will be with me once I finish the treatments in August. Once you have gone through this you are never the same. You may be cancer free at the end, but you will forever be on guard. Probably the most insidious part of cancer, it may never recur, but mentally you are always on the edge.
Saturday - 9:00 am Family (sans Dad) headed off to Dallas to go to Deanna's baby shower. I wanted to go, but 3 1/2 hours in a car was not very inviting. So, I stayed behind to tend to the livestock at home. Its quiet, and I don't really have to do anything if I don't want to, right? As the day passes, I am feeling (physically) better.
5:00 pm Hmmm...ready for another nap. Thought about washing the cars....nah....I have a son living back at home that can do that...maybe.
8:45 pm Its been a long day....just ate a light dinner...time to feed the critters and head to bed. I'll try to teach tomorrow at church...we'll see. Good night.
Saturday - 9:00 am Family (sans Dad) headed off to Dallas to go to Deanna's baby shower. I wanted to go, but 3 1/2 hours in a car was not very inviting. So, I stayed behind to tend to the livestock at home. Its quiet, and I don't really have to do anything if I don't want to, right? As the day passes, I am feeling (physically) better.
5:00 pm Hmmm...ready for another nap. Thought about washing the cars....nah....I have a son living back at home that can do that...maybe.
8:45 pm Its been a long day....just ate a light dinner...time to feed the critters and head to bed. I'll try to teach tomorrow at church...we'll see. Good night.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
May 5, 2011 - Thursday
Anxiety filled day....don't know why. We have a lot going on at work and my brain doesn't function like I need it to. Can't concentrate. It's 11:58 pm and all I can think about is killing my 'buddy'. Whirrr click! Whirrr click! Enough already!!
Today was a pretty okay day. (other than my desire to kill 'buddy') Thursdays are all the same. Its waking up in the morning with this thing attached to me. Goes with me everywhere. I stopped for gas today after work. I had my 'buddy' next to me on the passenger seat of the car. I turned the car off, opened the door to start filing the tank. Then I heard something drop on the cement and drag along behind me. I totally forgot 'him' on the seat and jumped out of the car. What a pain!!
Can't drink anything cold, or worse today, anything even cool. Makes my throat feel....whats the word....funky? Like there is something caught in my lower part of the throat. Feels weird and makes me not want to eat or drink. Hot tea (herbal) works very well.
Five down....seven to go. I'll be insane by number 12, I just know it. Going to Alaska on Monday for a few days of work. That will take my mind off things I hope. Puerto Rico the end of the month. Hurrah!!
Can't sleep.....arghhhhh
Today was a pretty okay day. (other than my desire to kill 'buddy') Thursdays are all the same. Its waking up in the morning with this thing attached to me. Goes with me everywhere. I stopped for gas today after work. I had my 'buddy' next to me on the passenger seat of the car. I turned the car off, opened the door to start filing the tank. Then I heard something drop on the cement and drag along behind me. I totally forgot 'him' on the seat and jumped out of the car. What a pain!!
Can't drink anything cold, or worse today, anything even cool. Makes my throat feel....whats the word....funky? Like there is something caught in my lower part of the throat. Feels weird and makes me not want to eat or drink. Hot tea (herbal) works very well.
Five down....seven to go. I'll be insane by number 12, I just know it. Going to Alaska on Monday for a few days of work. That will take my mind off things I hope. Puerto Rico the end of the month. Hurrah!!
Can't sleep.....arghhhhh
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
May 4, 2011 - Round 5....Really? Only 5???
May 4, 2011 - Wednesday
Yesterday (May 3) I had my follow-up with Dr. Newton, my surgeon. The last time I saw him I had not started the chemo treatments yet. He did a quick check of the incision scars, pushed around on my belly (they always do that...don't know why)and said that I looked great, just amazing. I told him I did feel great and had experience mild side effects from the chemo. I told him that this has been a truly life changing experience and I thanked him for his work. He said it made his day to see my very positive progress (I guess many of his patients have greater challenges).
Wednesday - 9:00 am Meet with Dr. Baltz before I start Round 5. Like Newton, he said he was very pleased with my progress and my ability to tolerate the treatments to date. He said it should be like this for the remaining sessions provided I don't catch some bug and get sick.
9:45 am - Round 5 begins with the ever pleasant spearing. Just a sting this time, maybe I'm getting used to it? I hope not...just lucky today. Kind of a full house in the clinic today. All familiar faces...unfortunate circumstances to meet these very nice people.
Same routine, started with the steroids. Today though, I think Wendy had the drip turned up to free flow because before I knew it those bags were empty. Maybe I'm getting used to the routine? I hope not...I think the increased flow rate gave me a little nausea, though she said it shouldn't (but I think it did). Maybe I was a little hungry, though eating was not a topic high on my list as I sit there.
12:50 pm - Done in the clinic. I am reunited with my "buddy". As soon as he saw me, I could hear his little pump cycling with excitement. Two nights away from the clinic!!! What a lucky little infusion pump he was today!!! He stays right by my side....so loyal.
Like last session, I decided not to go right back to the office from the clinic. The session really wears me out and I came home and promptly took an hour nap. Still tired though. Oh, on an unrelated note, my son Tommy and his wife Chloe are enroute to Texas from Virginia where Chloe just graduated from college.
7:10 pm - Well, a little more temperature sensitive this go-round. Its a little cool out today, which is nice, so I've been trying to water the lawn during this dry spell. As I moved the water hose around, the cold water running through the hose drops the temperature of the hose I couldn't touch it. AGHHHHH....what next??
10:30 pm - Made it through Day 1 of Round 5. I was tired and wasn't able to help Donna as much as I wanted to, but we did get the house ready for Tommy and Chloe coming in tonight. Having them here will help get through the final 7 treatments. Kind of an eye opener for them as well...the fragility of life...the need to take in all you can...while you can. I look back and regret not spending more time with my parents as my kids grew up. My dad was pretty neat. He liked being a papaw...but we didn't get back to El Paso as often as I wanted...
So, waiting up until they pull in...then the end of day 1. Ready for this to move on...
Yesterday (May 3) I had my follow-up with Dr. Newton, my surgeon. The last time I saw him I had not started the chemo treatments yet. He did a quick check of the incision scars, pushed around on my belly (they always do that...don't know why)and said that I looked great, just amazing. I told him I did feel great and had experience mild side effects from the chemo. I told him that this has been a truly life changing experience and I thanked him for his work. He said it made his day to see my very positive progress (I guess many of his patients have greater challenges).
Wednesday - 9:00 am Meet with Dr. Baltz before I start Round 5. Like Newton, he said he was very pleased with my progress and my ability to tolerate the treatments to date. He said it should be like this for the remaining sessions provided I don't catch some bug and get sick.
9:45 am - Round 5 begins with the ever pleasant spearing. Just a sting this time, maybe I'm getting used to it? I hope not...just lucky today. Kind of a full house in the clinic today. All familiar faces...unfortunate circumstances to meet these very nice people.
Same routine, started with the steroids. Today though, I think Wendy had the drip turned up to free flow because before I knew it those bags were empty. Maybe I'm getting used to the routine? I hope not...I think the increased flow rate gave me a little nausea, though she said it shouldn't (but I think it did). Maybe I was a little hungry, though eating was not a topic high on my list as I sit there.
12:50 pm - Done in the clinic. I am reunited with my "buddy". As soon as he saw me, I could hear his little pump cycling with excitement. Two nights away from the clinic!!! What a lucky little infusion pump he was today!!! He stays right by my side....so loyal.
Like last session, I decided not to go right back to the office from the clinic. The session really wears me out and I came home and promptly took an hour nap. Still tired though. Oh, on an unrelated note, my son Tommy and his wife Chloe are enroute to Texas from Virginia where Chloe just graduated from college.
7:10 pm - Well, a little more temperature sensitive this go-round. Its a little cool out today, which is nice, so I've been trying to water the lawn during this dry spell. As I moved the water hose around, the cold water running through the hose drops the temperature of the hose I couldn't touch it. AGHHHHH....what next??
10:30 pm - Made it through Day 1 of Round 5. I was tired and wasn't able to help Donna as much as I wanted to, but we did get the house ready for Tommy and Chloe coming in tonight. Having them here will help get through the final 7 treatments. Kind of an eye opener for them as well...the fragility of life...the need to take in all you can...while you can. I look back and regret not spending more time with my parents as my kids grew up. My dad was pretty neat. He liked being a papaw...but we didn't get back to El Paso as often as I wanted...
So, waiting up until they pull in...then the end of day 1. Ready for this to move on...
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