Thursday - December 15, 2011 "All right Mr. DeMille. I'm ready for my close-up."

December 15, 2011 - Four months post-chemo.

Okay, about four months and a week or so, but who's counting? Had my big photo shoot today!! Wow. Spent all yesterday afternoon and evening 'prepping' for my appointment with the 'little' camera. I wanted to look my best so I went on a strict light diet about 5 days ago, way earlier than they suggest, but I thought 'hey, I put on a few pounds from Thanksgiving and our trip to Seattle, it can't hurt!!' So I started Saturday and by Wednesday afternoon...I....was....HUNGRY!!! Every commercial was about food it seemed like. I was watching some of the Christmas stories on TV with Santa and his reindeer, and I was thinking, 'I wonder what reindeer steaks would taste like??' Scott is home from his missionary service and trying to get back into the swing of life, stopped by Chipotle yesterday and brought a burrito home....right at the height of my 'all liquids diet'. Kids...gotta love 'em!!

Got up early today, showered, shaved, and made sure my hair was combed just right. Even though the doctor and his camera were going to be situated...eh hem...a bit further south. Anyway, enough with this. My 'procedure' was a 100% success! Dr. Newton, my gastro surgeon who did my resection last year said everything 'up there' looked great. I am sure he was also bragging about HIS stitchery, but that's okay. He said he saw nothing new developing so I was good to go!!

I have truly been blessed through this part of the ordeal. I feel great and looking forward to a great new year. All the kids and the new grandson will be here for Christmas, first time in 2 years. My 81 year old mom, and my brother and some of his family are coming over from San Antonio. What a great time of year.

My thoughts and prayers are for the many others struggling with cancer, from our good friend to those we don't know. This has been an eye opener for me. As I have said before, priorities in my life are changed now. I concentrate on the more important aspects of my life....my family and my friends. I still love my job, and I am SUPER PSYCHED about my Puerto Rico Project, but I won't let those overshadow the importance my family is to me.

I hope to continue on this healthful path and will contribute my thoughts here along the way. Thank you my friends. If you read this blog, you are my friend. Thank you. Happy Holidays.

Friday, October 28, 2011 - Three Months Post Chemo

Friday, October 28, 2011 -- Well, nearly 3 mos post-chemo....another week and it will be 3 mos, but who's counting? Neuropathy is still a problem...but I think getting better. Fingers are coming along fine. Feet....well that's another story. I think my little grandson will find his toes before I do....sigh, the circle of life. Speaking of the little guy...he's getting big! But then again one would expect that!!

Had my three month check up with Onco and gastro surgeon. It's good to finish a Dr's checkup with him saying 'well, you look great! See you in another 3 months!!' I am truly blessed to have the recovery I have had and the continued improving health. My surgeon said the incisions look great....overall great....so when do you want to do the colonoscopy? I said "great...." Hard to imagine, but I am actually NOT nervous and looking forward to great results. I know what to expect now, as far as the prep work, drinking that lovely kool-aid....then the lovely after affects...very refreshing. I'll start my clear liquids diet really early. Maybe I'll lose some of the extra pounds that have come back after my treatments. Twenty pounds by December 6!!!

Had a couple visits to an accupressurist (sp?) this month. Interesting. Great massage. Not sure about the 'energy flow' out my finger tips and toes. But keeping an open mind.....great massage....mmmmmmmm.I'm gonna look into yoga maybe...tai chi...something.

The neuropathy works on your mind as much as it does affecting your feet and hands. Some days you think you are going to go out of your mind. I park in the handicap spot at work. It's very nice not having to walk long distances. Its difficult to explain to your co-workers coming in. They don't understand how 'sore feet' can warrant a handicap placard. Believe me, if I didn't need it I would park at the farthest end of the parking garage and walk in. Okay, not really. I would like to NOT have neuropathy for sure, but even if it went away tomorrow I'd still park as close as possible. I'm honest!

Hmmm....11:45 pm. the neurontin is kicking in...I'll blog again after the 'scope and let everybody know 'what's up my ......"

October 7, 2011 Two months Post Chemo

Friday, October 7, 2011 - Well, two months have past since ending chemo. About 3 weeks since they removed the porta-cath. Scar is looking good, still sore sometimes. My birthday was this week. This one I guess meant more to me than some of the others....for a couple reasons. One, I guess the obvious, I made it through chemo therapy...two, I have a new grandson. So it has been a pretty good birthday. Oh yeah, last month I was able to see Scott in Washington. That made my whole year. I sat down and talked to him about the cancer and the treatments and how I was doing now and how I was looking forward to him coming home in December and maybe consider going back to school in January here in Texas.....hmmm....nah, I want to go back to Virginia. So much for the love of a child.....ha ha. Really though we are excited for him to go where he will do the best.

Neuropathy is really kicking my behind. My hands/fingers are getting better (not 100%) but my feet are really not any better that I can tell. I have been going to an accupressure person (I guess that's what you call them). Press here....rub here....POUND on my back....rub my neck...walk on my feet and legs....VERY relaxing....I do feel great afterwards....not my feet...but everywhere else. Learned some breathing exercises (she teaches yoga too) to relax. So all in all, not so bad. I am waiting for the day that I wake up in the morning, put my feet on the floor and voila!!! I can feel the carpet with my toes!!!! Not yet though. Take my neurontin at night and it helps... When I was coming home from Alaska last month I sat next to an accuPUNCTURIST (as opposed to an accuPRESSURE person). I talk to him about the neuropathy and he told me how he would treat it. He was attending a conference of accupuncturists in Houston and said if he could identify a good one near where I lived he would get in touch. Haven't heard from him....I'll stick with my accupressure person.

I have started walking on my treadmill at least a mile a day, trying to work off the weight I put back on after chemo. A little tough with numb feet, but I am determined. I want to lose 20 lbs by the time we go to Seattle to pick up Scott. I can do it (if Katherine will stop bringing chocolate cake home!!)

I got a message from a friend in California diagnosed with colon cancer last year as well, although much more serious than mine. So serious, my ordeal pales next to his. I heard from his wife that he is doing so much better, back to 'normal'....post chemo, I don't remember what normal is. Just so happy he is doing better. Steve Jobs died this week. He was 56. I just turned 56.......makes you think....but he had such a sense about his own mortality that was refreshing....he said:

"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'" And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."

I am no where near the genius Jobs was. But his words inspired me. I will live each day as it was my last, someday it will be. In my work and with my family, I will do my best for them. And for my friends, I will treat with the utmost respect for I want to be remembered as a good friend. I plan on being around for another 30+ years and I want to live those years the best I can. Hopefully the feeling will come back to my toes before the end!!!!

Thanks for reading. I'll keep writing for a bit longer. Take care.

September 14, 2011 So long 'nubby'!

September 14, 2011 - Wednesday. Just a quick entry to the blog just because its a bit of a milestone for me. Fasting now, getting ready for the minor outpatient surgery in the morning to take out my 'nubby' (ala 'Friends' character Chandler and his third nipple....he called it his 'nubby'.) Anyway, I get the Porta-cath removed tomorrow. The last remnant (besides the neuropathy @#!)of my chemo.

It took 20 minutes to put it in, hopefully it will be quicker taking it out. I will be glad when I can take a shower and not see that lump in my chest! It has been a long road so far.

So, off to bed, up early, 'nubby' gone by 9 am! Tomorrow will be a great day.

September 9, 2011 Save the Date

Friday, September 9 - Wow! It's almost over. Got the call yesterday (actually, they called Donna's cell) from the surgical center scheduling me for the procedure to take the Porta-Cath out of my chest. Hoooray! It was Labor Day weekend last weekend and Monday was a holiday. I couldn't get my lab work done on Monday; lab was closed. So Tuesday, I was the first one through the doors at the lab. In and out in 15 minutes!! Wednesday....call Dr. Baltze's office to tell them I had the lab work done. They said they would look for it and write the surgical orders and give me a call. Takes me to Thursday and that call. Donna was leaving for her trip up the Interstate to Dallas to rescue Deanna (new Mom) and see our new little grandson, Mason. I was following her and all of sudden she pulls into the Shell gas station. Uh oh I thought. She's in the new car....what could be wrong? I pulled along side and she rolled down the window and said the surgical center called her and asked her when I wanted to get the procedure done. Thursday, 7:30 am....come fasting. Looking back it reminded me when I got the call from the 'other ' surgical center that I could come NOW for my prep work for my colon surgery. Seems like a lifetime ago. The neuropathy is really getting on my nerves!! Ha ha, a little chemo humor! But I've earned the right to use it. Really, it is getting old. As I sit here and try to type, my finger tips are on fire. Its hard to describe how it feels, its just....awful. Went to the grocery store tonight...my feet were killing me. Awful. It felt like boulders in the soles of my shoes...knives jabbing through my toes. Thank goodness for the handicap placard. I don't think I could have walked to the far end of the parking lot tonight. Neurontin at bedtime helps for most of the next day, but by mid-afternoon its gone and the pain begins. I hope this gets better like everyone says it will. But, despite these challenges I am committed to NOT let this get me down. I am grateful to be healthier now. Grateful for the little things in my life now (Mason included). Sad and glad day tomorrow as my oldest son and his wife are moving out into their own apartment. I know they are excited to get out again into their own life. Its been a challenge for my daughter-in-law living here. She is very excited. C'mon Thursday.....

September 3,2011 - One month post treatment

Saturday, September 3 - Well, coming up on one month post treatment! I can truly say I don't miss the bi-weekly trips to the clinic. Next Tuesday I will do my final lab work and then get the surgical order to remove the Porta-Cath from my chest. That will be a relief. The biggest hurdle now....neuropathy. I am sure any of you reading this that have either gone through this yourself or a family member or friend can relate. The chemo damages the nerves in your extremities (particularly hands and feet). It is extremely frustrating to walk and right now...type!! I had to go to a touch screen Blackberry because I couldn't use the keyboard to text because of the pain. It's funny as I type this blog, I am normally a very fast typer and I'll be flying along here and then look at the screen and say "what was I trying to say there???" My fingers get all messed up typing. The Doc says the feeling will eventually return, not 100%, but some of it. I can live with that if the treatments took care of the cancer. The pain is sometime unbearable in my feet and fingers. Doc made me get a handicap placard (blue, for 'permanent disability'). Very helpful, but rather humbling to park in the designated parking zone. I don't want to be 'permanently' disabled. I have a new grandson that makes all the chemo treatments worth it. I have a son coming home this December from 2 years of missionary service in Washington and that makes the chemo treatments worth it. It has been a terribly depressing 6 months but I have kept going. I have maintained as high a level of effort at my work as possible as I did not want to use this illness as an excuse to 'take it easy'. I battle it everyday. I think I'll make it. (After I typed that statement, I backspaced and was going to change it to 'know I'll make it', but changed it back. Because I don't 'know' if I can, but I know I will try.) I hope the neuropathy passes quickly. I am looking forward to living a nearly normal life for a while longer. Oh yeah...50 and over?? Get 'scoped!!

August 15, 2011 Across the Finish Line

Monday - Done, and done. Well, I can't believe it....Round 12 completed last Friday and its over. Its over...O-VER...Seems like March was a lifetime ago. In a way, it was. Before the surgery in December I had another life. After that it all changed. The last 4 sessions, I have to admit, were easier than the first 8. No Oxaliplatin for the last 4, so the side effects were not as dramatic. I still had to carry my "buddy" with me, and that was bad enough. But now its over. I still have the Port-a-cath in my chest, but I should have that out in about 4 weeks. Once removed I'll really feel better.

Fact remains, I was diagnosed with cancer. One of the most feared things to hear. I know it scared me plenty. I look back at this blog, going back to the beginning and each week was a challenge. Each week seemed like it was an eternity. Each week of treatment I was going to get that 'poke'. I hated it. Still do. I worry about the others I shared those hours in the recliners, hooked up to those bags, dripping poison into our veins. I hope they all make it. I hope I do too.

I don't know what I'll do with myself next Monday morning when I don't have to go to the lab for blood work. (I will go back in about 4 weeks before I get the port removed) So that's it for a while. I guess I'll post with any milestones. I appreciate all of the encouragement from my friends these past 6 months. It really kept me going. If you haven't you're routine 'scope, do it. It could save your life. I know it saved mine.

August 7, 2011 - Sunday Heading to Round 12

Sunday, August 7 - Thought I would take the opportunity to add a little before I start the last treatment. This past 'in-between' week was more challenging than most of the others. First, I didn't travel, which I looked forward to after each treatment. I had a Dr's appointment with Dr. Newton, the surgeon, so I couldn't travel this week. I went to church on Sunday to help with our 5-6 yr old class. I think that was a mistake. A couple of the kids weren't feeling well and Donna said I needed to go home. Since I always listen to her, I went. All was good at the beginning of the week. Wednesday was my Newton appointment, which went well..."see you in 3 months, then we'll schedule your first 'scope' in December." Boy, can't wait for that!!

I went back to work after the appointment and it started. I had a bit of a splitting headache and it didn't go away with Tylenol. So by 3pm I went home and went straight to bed. I thought I might just be tired, but the longer I laid there the worse I felt. I started with a mild fever and topped out at 101. Hmmm....Dr Baltz' instructions were to call if I got a temp. He was on call and I was able to speak directly with him. He said since I was off the Oxiaplatin he wasn't as concerned with the fever as he normally would be and said to take Tylenol and if the fever was still there in the morning I should come to his office.

Fortunately by 11 pm Wednesday night the fever was going down and by morning I was okay, save it being a sore throat and some sinus congestion.

On Thursday, we hit the road for Dallas. Deanna (my oldest daughter)was having her first baby (our first grandchild). Still had the sore throat and sinus pressure. Around 745 that evening, our little grandson joined us here in Texas. What a blessing to be alive to withness that!!! By that evening, I was exhausted and my youngest daughter asked me what that white stuff in my left eye was. I had noticed something in my eye as well, but thought it was just allergies. Eye was a little red, but not too bad, so off to bed.

Next morning, I awoke to a fully crusted, bloodshot eye. Yuk. Donna said "uh oh.....looks like pink eye". Gee, wonder where I might have picked that up? And by the way, looks like a cold sore was forming on the upper lip! Great.

I fought it all day Friday but by Saturday my other eye was getting red and excreting white junk as well. So we found a walk-in clinic to have it checked out. Well....Donna was right, conjunctivitis (pink eye), both eyes now. The Dr was concerned that I was on chemo so he ordered blood work to see if my white blood count was okay. Quick poke and draw and off to the lab. He came back and said all my counts were excellent (my blood pressure was elevated)so he could proceed with an antibiotic eye drop treatment. If my WBCs were elevated he said he would have to put me in the hospital. Thank goodness I didn't have to do that. Well the right eye was getting progressively worse (oh by the way, it was 109 degrees in Dallas everyday this week). I started the eye drops and have seen some slow improvements.

Leaving for Houston later today (Sunday) and get to cooler temperatures (high 90's...that's cooler?). What a week!! But, getting a new grandson makes it all better. Except I have been up since 230 this morning tending to my runny eyes.

I just wanted to add this to my journal so I didn't forget all the trials. This next session will be the last. I'll add to the Blog then. Its now 443 am Sunday...maybe I'll try to nap before I head to Houston....

July 30, 2011 - Eleven down....one to go

Saturday night of Round 11. I can't believe I only have one more treatment to endure. What an experience. On Wednesday I went in for my appointment with Dr. Baltz (every other treatment). After a quick once over, I asked him how long I would have to keep the infusing port in my chest after my last treatment. He asked which number I was on and I said "today is number 11." He looked at my chart and asked "are you sure? I count only 9 done. You have this one and two more." I told him to count again...if there was ANYTHING I was more sure of it was how many of these treatments I had completed. He still only counted 9 but said it looked like Wendy had not recorded one. He went out of the exam room and came back to say "you were right, this will be number 11." Hallelujah! (I knew I was right. I said under my breath)

So I asked again how long I had to keep the port in since Wendy had said he usually liked to keep it in for about 3 months or more afterward. Which in my last post really bummed me out. BUT...he said, no, not in my case. "I told you you only had to do this for 6 mos. I do ask patients whom I suspect will have a recurrence. But not with you." After my last round, I will do one more lab work up and if my CBCs are up like always he said he would write the order for me to have the port removed. He then said "alright....I'll see you in three months!" I'll see him every 3 months for the next year or two (I think he said), then every 6 mos for the next couple years then if all is okay, he'll 'discharge' me!!!

So that was the greatest news. The neuropathy in my feet worsened over the past few weeks. No sensation in the toes anymore. It is very difficult and painful to walk. When travelling, walking through the airport between terminals takes extra effort. You don't realize how important your toes are until you cant feel them working for you!! I guess I am too proud or stubborn to ask for a ride on the people carts. Anyway, Dr. Baltz filled out the paper work for a temporary handicap placard for the car so I can park closer to shopping, etc. I told him I really appreciated it very much. Dr. Baltz is great guy.

I can finally see the light at the end of this long tunnel. And I am reasonably sure its not a train coming the other way. This has been an absolutely life changing event. I don't 'sweat the small stuff' anymore. Life is too short. I love my family more now, I guess I had taken them for granted over the years. But the spectre of dying sooner than I had expected made me realize how important they really are to me. Our younger son Scott is doing missionary work for our church up in Washington State. We did not tell him about the cancer or the treatments...didn't want him to worry. He'll probably be really mad when he comes home in December. I can't wait to see him.

My first grandchild will be born around the time of my last treatment (probably before, according to my daughter). People ask me if I am going to celebrate finishing my treatments....the Lord is giving me a great gift in this child. I am grateful to be alive to see this event and especially to see my son come home from his mission.

I have met some very remarkable individuals during this ordeal. Most, if not all, fighting a more difficult battle than mine. I was lucky. I hope the Dr made the right prognosis and this will be behind me. I won't forget those individuals that have just started this trial as I wrap up my own. I've learned that I need to take care of this old body of mine. Be kinder to it. Eat better. Get a check up regularly...head off anything that may pop up. And it will pop up. But at least now, if something happens in the future with my health, I know I have the courage to fight it and know I have to endure to the end.

Looking forward to Round 12 and done....

June 14, 2011 - Thursday...like any other day

A remarkably unremarkable day!! But that's good. I felt great all day today. If I wasn't toting my 'buddy' around with me today I could almost forget I was on Round 10. Had a full and productive day at work...clear headed...feisty!! I have started taking sublingual B12 lozenges in hopes that it will lessen the neuropathy. The numbness is another reminder that things aren't the way they used to be.

On Thursdays all I want to do is work, go home, have dinner and go to sleep. Not because I am tired, I just want this day to become tomorrow and I can end Round 10. I am so close to the completion of this ordeal, I just hope nothing else has happened that will cause me to extend these treatments. I feel really good. My appetite has returned (unfortunately...I have gained back 6 lbs).

Travelling again next week...it makes the time go by. On to Round 11. Thanks to all for the good wishes!! Good friends make this bearable.

July 13, 2011 - Wednesday - Round 10 Begins

Today was the second Round without the Oxiplaitin. FANTASTIC!!! The morning started out with the anticipated anxiety of getting the big poke! With the assistance of a bit a modern chemistry, I was a bit 'relaxed' for the procedure. It still hurt like the dickens, but I survived. Before being called back for the procedure, I chatted with a few folks in the waiting room. One woman I had seen quite often...really looked like her sessions were a bit of a challenge, but she was keeping a positive outlook. There was another woman with her husband there today. It was her first visit. Yesterday they inserted the infusion port. She and her husband had that very worried, lost look. I am sure that's how I looked on my first day. We tried to give her all the encouragement we could. I know I needed it (and still do)to get through this. She has the same doctor as me, so I told them how wonderful he was. She was called in before me. Her husband thanked us for sharing our thoughts with her. Hope I see them next week to see how she's doing.

Well, picked up my 'buddy' again for a couple overnight stays with me. He's still a bit of a nuisance, but I am down to only two more times. Hurrah!! I asked Wendy today, as she PIERCED my chest, how long after the last round would it be until I could get the infusion port removed....sigh, she said typically the doctor leaves it in for an additional 3 months while have a couple follow up CT scans to make sure nothing new has cropped up and if I have to have more treatments, I already have the port installed. (Donna said 'no way!! when you're done you need to get it removed!' I guess its easy for the person who doesn't have to go through the removal and possible re-installation to talk. I'll visit with the doctor on Round 11.

I went back to work after picking up my 'buddy' and had a pretty normal, busy day. I felt great all day. Light dinner tonight and still going strong. The neuropathy is awful. Feet are really numb. Toes especially. Hands just a bit, but I can tell its not the same as pre-treatment. It is really hard to walk nowadays without a great deal of discomfort. Such a strange sensation (or lack of!!) not feeling socks being put on...trying to put on flip flops, I can't feel the little piece going between the toes...really miserable...BUT...I can't really complain, I have been VERY VERY blessed to make it this far through the treatments.

Off to bed....full day tomorrow. C'mon 'buddy'!!!

July 3, 2011 - Sunday Tremendous Weekend!

Wow....that's all I can say! Round 9 was my first treatment without the Oxiplaitin drug. The doctor decided I'd had enough and could eliminate that one. That meant on Wednesday no side effects. Thursday went to work and felt great all day!! Friday it was time to drop my "buddy" off again and NO SHOT!! I was able to see my friend Rudy as he went in to turn in his "buddy" for the last time. He was done. I was so happy for him and his wife Bernie. Over the six months we became really good friends and I hope to keep up with his progress over the years. There is a bond that is made when you share trials with others on the same path with you. He really kept me going.

Saturday was great...no nausea. Spent good times with my son Tommy working on one of our cars. Ran errands with Donna most of the day without really feeling too bad at all. Food tasted almost normal...almost. But I have to be careful not to get to used to eating like I used to. I need to keep my weight down and drop some more to stay off my blood pressure medication!!!

Sunday I got back on the treadmill....first time in 6 months. I pushed through 1 mile. I thought about just doing a 1/2 mile, but when I saw the little distance dots on the treadmill go by, I decided to suck it up and keep going. With each step my determination grew. I have to admit though, when I finished that mile, my legs were like rubber, and for the rest of the day I am pretty well shot. But getting back on the treadmill was a major milestone for me.

I am nearing the end of this journey. My life is changed forever. I don't sweat the small stuff like I used to. My family is more important to me now than ever before. Looking forward to continued improvements.

June 29, 2011 - Wednesday Round 9

Wednesday - No Oxiplaitin!! Amazing...last session Dr. Baltz said he was discontinuing the heavy duty stuff. Guess I've had enough. Besides the neuropathy has progressively gotten worse and the Folfox6 protocol says to take the patient off. No complaints from me. Without the Oxi, no metallic taste, no cold sensitivity, and no Neulasta shot on Friday. Happy day!! I actually went out to dinner with Donna tonight and could taste most of my steak!!! Came home and had...wait for it....a small bowl of ice cream!!! Glorious!!!

Still have to carry my "buddy" with me for the last 4 sessions, but it's tolerable. I have to say it has been a long journey with a few more miles to go. I have learned a lot from this ordeal and will keep these lessons until the day I pass on. Life is short. Appreciate all that is important. My family and friends. I was in Puerto Rico last week for work and at dinner I was asked by one of my consultants "so what keeps you up at night about this project?" Well I gave her a business answer, you know, "what if this happens...or the client changes his mind...etc..." Afterwards in my hotel I thought to myself I don't or shouldn't lose sleep over this project! What keeps me awake at night is this cancer thing. How to beat it. How to stay close to my family. How to let my friends know I am okay and I'm going to win this battle!! Don't get me wrong, the project is my number one 'business' priority, but this battle is my number one LIFE priority.

I can't wait until Friday to take my buddy back and leave without the shot!! Maybe a good weekend ahead. I have to be careful now that I am nearing the completion. I have enjoyed the weight loss...I'm off my blood pressure meds...I want to keep in better shape now. I neglected my health and have paid a heavy price. Off to bed...I'll blog on after I drop off my "buddy".

June 18, 2011 - Saturday....Round 8 done

On the downhill side of treatments now. Eight down, four to go. The neuropathy (numbness in hands and feet)has become more noticeable over the past few weeks. Today I was in the front yard watering the plants and didn't notice (feel)my feet covered in ants. I guess the good thing was I didn't feel them biting as bad, but they still put a bunch of bites on me.

On Wednesday, Dr. Baltz told me that because of the increase in neuropathy symptoms, they will discontinue the Oxiplaitin chemo for the rest of my treatments. That means no 3 hour sessions in the clinic. I'll just pick up my 'buddy' and head home. It also means, HURRAH, that I won't have the neulasta shot after each treatment. My chemo friend Rudy got off Oxi this week (he has one session left)and on Friday I asked him how it was going. He said it was terrific without the Oxi and he was looking forward to not having the shot. The shot is what really knocks you on your butt. The other side effects are tough too, metallic tongue, cold sensitivity, numbness, but anyone who has experienced nausea knows that's the worst!!

As I look ahead to the last four treatments, I cannot believe I have made it this far. This has been, and I will continue to fight if need be, the biggest battle I have faced. I have missed seeing friends from church because I just don't feel well enough to go and the Dr said I should avoid crowds anyway. I missed special events because of this as well. My apologies to Isabel Jones, I missed Tom's memorial service today because I felt so lousy. I will miss Tom, he was a good man.

I slept most of this weekend. It has been so hot, I just can't take it. We did some errands today and it absolutely drained me. I have no energy. But, it is Saturday night and its tapering off and I am looking forward to a good Father's Day. I miss my dad and think of him often. He lost his battle with cancer 18 years ago. I call on his strength to help me through.

I am looking forward to completing these treatments with a resounding successful outcome. I have too many things to look forward to to let this keep me down. Thanks to all my friends for your love and support.

June 6, 2011 - Monday....finally

Well, they say the effects of chemo are cumulative as you keep going. It is true I guess for some of the side effects. Feet (toes) are numb to the touch. Circulation is fine so no problems there, just tactile sensation is impaired. Trimmed my nails the other day, could not feel the clippers on the nail. Weird, huh? Hands are affected too. Frustrating. Taste buds are going fast. I have had to get used to eating "virtual" food. It looks like a hamburger, even smells like a hamburger, but when I bite into it, it doesn't taste like a hamburger. I hope things get back to normal after I am finished.

So, seven down, five to go. I think I might actually make it! Work has been keeping me busy in between treatments so the weeks go by quickly. I still hate the treatments, but pretty soon 5 will be 4 and eventually 1 and then done!! So far this trek has made me really appreciate my family and friends more than ever. I have tried to tell everyone that the surgery took care of the cancer and the treatments are preventive. Well, that's most of the truth. I guess once its been found you are always waging war. Great news today on the progress made in breast and skin cancer!! Hopefully they will have answers for all the 'Cs' that ail us!!

So its Monday and I finally feel 75% again. It only gets better as the week progresses. Back to San Juan for a couple days to keep me busy and hoping for a great rest of the week. Hopefully the summer will pass quickly and I'll finish up in August.

June 1, 2011 Wednesday....Round 7....Downhill from Here

7:30 pm - Wednesday -- Beginning Round 7 of 12. That means 6 down, 6 to go! Milestone day...had a sit down with the Dr. about the mental and emotional toll chemotherapy has on a person. Once you hear the word 'cancer' nothing is ever the same. Its on your mind, 24/7. I told him how the anxiety builds every day that I come to his office. Today we talked about the depression-inducing strain. He said it was totally understandable; he said it was great that I try to continue with as much normalcy in my daily life. He said that will go a long way to making the treatments successful. BUT....he said you need to realize that I (Dr. Balz) am poisoning you each time you come in. That is not normal and you (and your family)need to accept that. BUT...you are going to do fine. And you know what? I will do fine. I have a lot to look forward to in the very new future, new grandbaby in August (due 2 days after my last treatment, therefore I will be in the uber nausea state and NOT interested in baby 'excretions', so I will see him the next weekend!! ;-)

Dr. Baltz is an amazing guy. He is super friendly, down to earth guy from Louisiana. When we meet and he goes through his physical check on me, he and I chat about our travels, our hobbies (he likes to cook as do I), just relaxing. He really calmed me down and wanted make sure I continued with the progress I have been showing him.

So anyway...7 down, 6 to go. One guy in my session time, Rudy, today was number 10, two to go! I gave him 'the eye' :-) jokingly. I am so happy for him. He is on the same program as me and he is doing great at 10 so I am looking at being as good at the end as he is!!! Then, let the celebrations begin!! I'll be back tomorrow with an update on day 2!!

May 20, 2011 - Friday Round 6....

Well, made it to Round 6...6 to go. As much as I think I know what to expect each round, they're different in some way each time. I stayed home on Wednesday after the treatment and napped off and on the rest of the day which really helped. But I was queasy that evening and both Thursday and Friday. Yuk!! I did discover something that helped with the metallic taste of food. PICKLES!! I could actually enjoy eating Claussen's Refrigerator Pickle Spears (I let them warm up a little so I could eat them). But it was great.

Friday - 8:30 pm Had to try and lay down. Nausea pills don't seem to have the power this time around. Just feeling lousy. Milestone day at work today made me feel better, but I still had to go home at noon. Ugh... I am determined to feel good this weekend so I can get ready to travel again next week. Two weeks ago I was in Anchorage, AK. Weird, the cool air temps made my hands and feet hurt. Well, next week I probably won't have that problem as I head to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I have been looking forward to this trip all spring. I'm a little anxious about the flight, being in the close quarters. Doctor wants me to be careful too.

I started walking on the treadmill again, trying to stay in shape. They say exercise helps in the treatment of illnesses so I'm gonna give it a try. Its been a while so the first time the other morning had me aching that evening!! But I did a mile, that was my goal...nothing less. I'll walk the beaches in PR. Okay, going to try and lay still and fall asleep....

May 7, 2011 - Saturday

Where did Friday go? Finished up Round 5 by dropping off my 'buddy' back at the clinic. So long for 10 days. The day turned lousy about noon on Friday. Usually it gets bad on Saturday, but this round it hit early. Friday morning, I was done. I was ready to go into the clinic, turn in the infusion pump and call it quits. Done. Each Round doesn't end each Friday when you disconnect. The side effects linger into the next Round and the next. I am pretty sure it will be with me once I finish the treatments in August. Once you have gone through this you are never the same. You may be cancer free at the end, but you will forever be on guard. Probably the most insidious part of cancer, it may never recur, but mentally you are always on the edge.

Saturday - 9:00 am Family (sans Dad) headed off to Dallas to go to Deanna's baby shower. I wanted to go, but 3 1/2 hours in a car was not very inviting. So, I stayed behind to tend to the livestock at home. Its quiet, and I don't really have to do anything if I don't want to, right? As the day passes, I am feeling (physically) better.

5:00 pm Hmmm...ready for another nap. Thought about washing the cars....nah....I have a son living back at home that can do that...maybe.

8:45 pm Its been a long day....just ate a light dinner...time to feed the critters and head to bed. I'll try to teach tomorrow at church...we'll see. Good night.

May 5, 2011 - Thursday

Anxiety filled day....don't know why. We have a lot going on at work and my brain doesn't function like I need it to. Can't concentrate. It's 11:58 pm and all I can think about is killing my 'buddy'. Whirrr click! Whirrr click! Enough already!!

Today was a pretty okay day. (other than my desire to kill 'buddy') Thursdays are all the same. Its waking up in the morning with this thing attached to me. Goes with me everywhere. I stopped for gas today after work. I had my 'buddy' next to me on the passenger seat of the car. I turned the car off, opened the door to start filing the tank. Then I heard something drop on the cement and drag along behind me. I totally forgot 'him' on the seat and jumped out of the car. What a pain!!

Can't drink anything cold, or worse today, anything even cool. Makes my throat feel....whats the word....funky? Like there is something caught in my lower part of the throat. Feels weird and makes me not want to eat or drink. Hot tea (herbal) works very well.

Five down....seven to go. I'll be insane by number 12, I just know it. Going to Alaska on Monday for a few days of work. That will take my mind off things I hope. Puerto Rico the end of the month. Hurrah!!

Can't sleep.....arghhhhh

May 4, 2011 - Round 5....Really? Only 5???

May 4, 2011 - Wednesday

Yesterday (May 3) I had my follow-up with Dr. Newton, my surgeon. The last time I saw him I had not started the chemo treatments yet. He did a quick check of the incision scars, pushed around on my belly (they always do that...don't know why)and said that I looked great, just amazing. I told him I did feel great and had experience mild side effects from the chemo. I told him that this has been a truly life changing experience and I thanked him for his work. He said it made his day to see my very positive progress (I guess many of his patients have greater challenges).

Wednesday - 9:00 am Meet with Dr. Baltz before I start Round 5. Like Newton, he said he was very pleased with my progress and my ability to tolerate the treatments to date. He said it should be like this for the remaining sessions provided I don't catch some bug and get sick.

9:45 am - Round 5 begins with the ever pleasant spearing. Just a sting this time, maybe I'm getting used to it? I hope not...just lucky today. Kind of a full house in the clinic today. All familiar faces...unfortunate circumstances to meet these very nice people.

Same routine, started with the steroids. Today though, I think Wendy had the drip turned up to free flow because before I knew it those bags were empty. Maybe I'm getting used to the routine? I hope not...I think the increased flow rate gave me a little nausea, though she said it shouldn't (but I think it did). Maybe I was a little hungry, though eating was not a topic high on my list as I sit there.

12:50 pm - Done in the clinic. I am reunited with my "buddy". As soon as he saw me, I could hear his little pump cycling with excitement. Two nights away from the clinic!!! What a lucky little infusion pump he was today!!! He stays right by my side....so loyal.

Like last session, I decided not to go right back to the office from the clinic. The session really wears me out and I came home and promptly took an hour nap. Still tired though. Oh, on an unrelated note, my son Tommy and his wife Chloe are enroute to Texas from Virginia where Chloe just graduated from college.

7:10 pm - Well, a little more temperature sensitive this go-round. Its a little cool out today, which is nice, so I've been trying to water the lawn during this dry spell. As I moved the water hose around, the cold water running through the hose drops the temperature of the hose I couldn't touch it. AGHHHHH....what next??

10:30 pm - Made it through Day 1 of Round 5. I was tired and wasn't able to help Donna as much as I wanted to, but we did get the house ready for Tommy and Chloe coming in tonight. Having them here will help get through the final 7 treatments. Kind of an eye opener for them as well...the fragility of life...the need to take in all you can...while you can. I look back and regret not spending more time with my parents as my kids grew up. My dad was pretty neat. He liked being a papaw...but we didn't get back to El Paso as often as I wanted...

So, waiting up until they pull in...then the end of day 1. Ready for this to move on...

April 24, 2011 - Sunday....the sun came out today

Today I woke up and felt much better. It's Easter Sunday and there is no better day to feel so good. I stayed home today while Donna and Katherine went to church to teach our little ones. Donna made up little Easter treat bags for the kids, and reported when she got home that they were quite pleased. Who wouldn't be for a bag of chocolate candy!!

I felt good enough today to try and get some of the things I couldn't do for Donna yesterday done today. I made dinner....slow cooked ribs, fresh green beans with potatoes.... While on this subject, there is one thing that really frustrates me about being on chemo...(well, there are alot, but here's one) I can't pick up anything cold!! I took the ribs from the refrigerator and tried to cut them up, but the meat was cold and my hands just couldn't touch the meat!! The pain is unreal...hard to describe. Part of the recipe for the green beans was to cut up bacon into small pieces...I couldn't hold down the cold bacon!!! I had to wrap my hand with a paper towel so I could hold it...I had to snap the green beans...they had been in the fridge all night....COULDN'T TOUCH THEM!!!! Frustrating!!

Working in the kitchen....I can't walk on the tile floor barefoot. I have to wear socks, slippers, or flip flops. The cold tile hurt the bottoms of my feet!! I have to brush my teeth with warm water!!

I know this is only temporary and everything will go back to normal after I finish the treatments. But oh my gosh, it really gets to you when you cannot do simple tasks. I am encouraged that I feel good on Sunday and looking forward to having a good Monday and productive week! We have a very important meetings later in the week and then Donna and I go to Virginia for Chloe's graduation and then their move back here to Houston. So here's to my off week. See you in 10 days...

April 23, 2011 - Round 4, Saturday....go away

It started Friday afternoon...made it until about 4:00 at work and I had to go. It didn't get any better into the evening. I tried to plan ahead, remembering each previous Friday/Saturday ordeals. But each 'after treatment' has its own challenges. I haven't figured it out yet.

Saturday, ugh... Got up early to tinker a bit with my car. I didn't feel like doing anything to it, just getting outside and walking around, planning for its restoration... Today, our cul-de-sac had its annual Easter Egg hunt for all the kids. We don't have any little ones anymore, but it was fun to watch the kids. We have such awesome parents that take the time to make this so much fun for the kids. We are the 'old couple' on the block, but that's okay, I got a grandson on the way!!

Much of today has been pretty lousy...not terrible....just lousy. I feel bad that Donna has been doing so much today getting ready for our son and his wife coming home next week, and I can't get out of my chair without feeling sick.

8:00 pm - Ate a light dinner earlier and that seems to be going okay, maybe it'll be a quieter evening. I really have to get this routine figured out as I start travelling again for my job. Many thanks out to my friends for the support and encouragement. It's my OFF WEEK!! WOOO HOOO! ugh...'don't get cocky kid!'...

April 21, 2011 - Round 4, A Good Day...really

Wednesday, 9:30 am - I rehearsed all night how to handle Wendy driving the foot-long lance through my chest....okay, I'm a baby...it wasn't that bad this time. Still, I took the deep breath...it still hurt. I made sure the night before I got lots of rest and it made a difference starting out the treatments feeling good. Have to admit I did doze off several times in the comfy chair. Before I knew it, 3 hours were gone and I was done....well, except for taking my 'buddy' home. He looked so happy to see me. He started with an enthusiastic 'whirrr click!'.

I decided not to go back in to work after the treatment and went home. What a difference!! When I got home I actually took a nap! Several in fact. And yes, I did peek at some emails. So it was a quiet day...

Thursday - A great day! Well...a very good day...its never a great day when you're wearing a fanny pack. I was surprised at the energy I had all day. No nausea and reasonable energy level. I am extremely fortunate. I am also grateful for the great friends and loving family that keep me going. I had a bout of depression last round but I am vowing to not let that happen again. Looking forward to a quiet evening then taking my 'buddy' back in the morning. I'll wrap up tomorrow...

April 17, 2011 - Round 4 Into the first turn....

Sunday, April 17 - The weather has been beautiful this week. A little breezy, but fabulously mild. Tomorrow is 'little lab' day. Bloodwork just to check the WBC count and make sure I am bouncing back after the previous treatment. So far I had good numbers and I can move on to the next Round. Last week was my off week and maybe I overdid it at work. Although I loved it. I was super busy with my two major development projects. We've been waiting a while to get going on them and I guess the inactivity along with going through the treatments was starting to get to me. I actually told a friend of mine at work that going through these treatments was really getting me down and I could really understand how someone with a long chronic illness could think that the easy way to ease the pain was to just check out early...

But, you know what? It's not going to get me down. So, I'm heading to Round 4. Round 4 means I'm a third of the way through this. Two more and I'm halfway there! I have alot going on this summer that will make the time fly. I'm going to start travelling again for work and THAT will be a big thing. They are really understanding at work regarding my travel restrictions (treatments every other week means I have to be in Houston). My boss said "we'll just work within that schedule. These are your projects and you go when you can, we won't go without you." Do you know how that made me feel? Great, that's how I felt.

So, its on to Round 4 on Wednesday. Chin up, take that first turn. Before I know it, it will be the home stretch and I'll be grabbing the checkered flag. Everyday is a learning experience for me. I can do this, I know I can. Talk to you all on Wednesday. Cheers.

April 8, 2011 - End of Round 3

9:00 am - Made it in early to see Wendy and get rid of my "buddy". I am beginning to get an attitude with him. Thursday was a long day and the prospects of 9 more treatments is beginning to wear on me.

9:15 am - Untethered....finally! Nausea and fatigue a little more noticeable this time around, kind of worries me. Not that I think anything is wrong, its just feeling constantly 'lousy' wears on you. I went back into the office for awhile but I just had no energy today. I only made it to 2 pm and I had to go home and lay down. I know this is temporary and I'll be better by Monday, but I hate these weekends that I know what is coming.

10:45 pm - Trying to get past the queasy feelings so I can lay down and sleep. I'm tired and have a headache. I need a vacation.

April 6, 2011 - Round 3 "Are we there yet?"

Remember me writing in the beginning that I was born in Puerto Rico and lived there for about 3 years and then my Dad was tranferred to a military base in the States? Well, maybe I didn't, but that's what happened. Anyway, we were shipped off the island out to Ft. Bliss, TX. For those unfamiliar, Ft. Bliss is located in El Paso, TX. Sitting from where I am now in, or around, the Houston area, looking West, El Paso is about as far west as you can go before you are either in Old Mexico or New Mexico. Our nearest relatives, on my Dad's side, lived in Donaldson, Arkansas (my Mom, being from Japan, you figured her family's a bit farther :-))

So every year (yes, every year)our summer vacation was driving to see my Aunts and Uncles and cousins in Arkansas. Google maps tells me its approximately 930 miles from our house to my Aunt's house. The hard part is that about 885 miles of that distance is all in Texas. So why this interesting tidbit of about my childhood starts off my blog on Round 3. Well, I remember those long,'scenic' trips between El Paso and almost to the Dallas area, there is absolutely nothing between the two points that I found interesting as a child. So we (my brother Bob and I) asked the inevitable question to my Dad "Are we there yet?". That's exactly how I felt yesterday as I sat down in the comfy leather recliner in the doctor's office waiting for Wendy to impale me with the IV hook-up. I said to myself, Round 3....9 to go. If I look at each Round as a segment of our travel to Arkansas, we go about 77 1/2 miles per round. Which is pretty pitiful. If my calculations are right, from El Paso, we are only about 20 miles east of Pecos, TX. (My El Paso friends know well how far I have to go to get across Texas!!...."Are we there yet???"

Wednesday 8:45 am - Just realizing my appointment is at 9:00am and not

9:30am, I rush Donna out the door. We get there about 9:15, so I'm not really that late, besides, I have a short consult with Dr. Baltz before the flogging begins. He said all of my labs look great, my tolerance of the treatments is great, he is overall pleased. "Now go get hooked up...."

9:50 am - Wendy, bright smiling face no matter the time of day or the deed she must complete...brings out her weapon of choice and..."take a deep breath" plunges in. I swear it snagged the recliner leather under me, but maybe I am overreacting.

12:45 pm - Overall, uneventful 3 hours of bliss. This time around it was better than Round 2 I must admit. I was very hungry afterward and enjoyed a sandwich. No tongue numbness this time. Before going back to work I had to drop by the Lab to extract a vial of blood for some other test...its getting routine...no big deal. Back to work.

5:20 pm - Heading home....I am out of steam...by the time I get home, changed, and ready for a light dinner, I am beat. BUT, I still feel better than last Round.

7:45 pm - I'm in bed and ZONKED. Guess I was tired. That's why anything about the rest of today is missing....I was OUT...until 3:18 am...wide awake...so, more later tonight about today's adventures.

March 27, 2011 - Calming seas...

I won't even try to describe Saturday in detail except to say I'm glad that day is over. I felt better in one sense in that I was so exhausted on Friday, I slept nearly 10 hours that night and awoke better rested on Saturday. And with that observation, I end the positive points of Saturday. All day and into the evening I sailed on that boat that just rocked to the left, then rocked to the right, took a swell up, then took the swell down, back to the left, over to the right....whoa, I need to stop or I'll get nauseous again. That's how it was the whole day. I forced myself to eat throughout the day even though the thought of food was unappealing. I have learned, and confirmed by a very 'Wise' friend, that the days are worse on an empty stomach. If you aren't throwing up....EAT, you need the energy!!!! Torture....there's new ice cream in the freezer....I can't eat cold food yet!

Sunday, 6:00 am - Morning....what is today going to be like? So far so good. Joints aren't aching. Stomach is settled. Maybe, just maybe, I've made it through the rough part of the weekend? I hope so.

9:00 am - Fixed Donna a little breakfast. She did a fantastic job on dinner last night. She made little mini-meat loaf patties that hit the spot. Small enough that I could eat one and be satisfied and not overeat, which I would have definitely done if she had made a regular loaf-size dinner. Perfect.

6:00 pm - Sort of a long day...knees ached some, energy low, but Tylenol helped. Went to church today and saw friends for a little while. Trying to avoid crowds in case I catch something. I think I am getting a pretty good picture of how the sessions are going to go, but I did experience a little bout of depression that I need to continually fight off.

8:00 pm - Well, winding down. All in all not a bad day. I'll try to hit the hay a little early tonight, I'm tired. Round 2 is done I'm glad to say, looking forward to the 'off week', build up my energy. I'm smarter now and know I have to keep working hard every week as I prepare for the next Round. Before I know it, my 'buddy' will be back....whirrr-click.

March 25 - End of Round 2

Thursday was uneventful, just dealing with the day-to-day with my 'tag along' again....whirrr-click! Just running out of gas earlier than expected. Hungry, but you know how it is when you don't know exactly what you are hungry for or what you CAN eat?

9:00 am - Well, dropped off my 'buddy' for another week and a half. Round 2 was a little more challenging than the first round, but I think it was more that I started out tired than the cumulative affects of the treatments. But I don't know that for sure. As I said on the Wednesday post, the side effects seemed to come on sooner this time. Sensitivity to cold was more pronounced this time, couldn't wash my hands with cold water....ouch; cold drinks made my throat feel 'funky', and I have a really severe pain in the jaw when I first try to eat. It goes away quickly, but my head feels like its going to explode until it does! Ugh. I have figured out I can control the pain by taking small bites of food. I looked it up....Oxiplaitin has this side affect. Great.

9:05 am Unleashed now, glad I came in early. Got the Neulasta shot, not looking forward to those side affects this weekend, but hopefully I'm better prepared.

Fatigue hasn't been a real problem yet, I guess I am just overall tired. As I walked into the Dr's office this morning to get unleashed from my 'buddy', my pace was slow, I looked up at the office building and sighed abit. Every two weeks....back here....again. Six months....I can do it. Whirrr-click!

March 23, 2011 - Round 2 Begins

I don't know if it was apprehension over knowing I would be having a treatment today or not, but last night was a long one. I was nauseous before going to bed and did not fall asleep until 2 am, then up at 5:15 to get Katherine off to school (side note, Katherine got contacts yesterday, she was thrilled. She is such a beautiful young lady!!).



9:00 am - I was the first one in the clinic this morning. Pretty quiet. Wendy came in and prepped my Port-Cath for connection. During Round 1, the Port was made ready-to-use during the surgery. Today she would have to start it with a fresh 'stick'... she said "Take a deep breath!" and then she stuck me. I figured out why they say to take a deep breath....its hard to say OUCH while you hold your breath. Sneaky, but it wasn't too bad.



Same routine, same drugs. First hour or so, the anti-nausea drugs then the Oxiplaitin (sp) for the last 2 hours. I noticed though, this time, some of the side effects that happened the next day during Round 1 began before I finished....a new one too...my tongue became numb and I felt like Tweety Bird ("I tawt I taw a putty tat") very strange. Food tastes a little different sooner too. Hands have become cold sensitive nearly immediately, and this time even to washing my hands with cold water. Strange....but I'll just use warm water. Problem solved....My feet are tingley sensitive to cold as I walked barefoot across the cold tile floors....wear slippers.



Also different from Round 1, I was not comfortable today with going from the clinic back to the office, so I worked from home this afternoon. I intend to be in the office all day tomorrow.



Oh yeah, I forgot to acknowledge the return of my little "buddy". He is sitting next to me now, rhythmically whirring and clicking every 30 secs. Thelma Lou, our 18 pound Ragdoll Cat is facinated by the noisy little black fanny bag. I have to get my routine going again with my little tagalong.



Despite these minor differences to Round 1, I am optimistically looking at a good Round 2. New faces in the clinic today....I think one new woman, and 4 'veterans' of this war. I tried to participate in some of the conversations but I was so tired from so little sleep last night I actually dozed for about 30 minutes I think...though it was probably only 3 minutes...it felt good. I've noticed from just these two visits, and probably will see it in the next 10, nobody sitting in that room with me are complainers of their situation. They're not bitter and they're not "sicker" than you. They are all very pleasant, nice people. People with a common thread running between us. We are doing everything we can to spend as much time here on earth as possible.`



7:30 pm - well, got some rest this afternoon and feel better. Still very cold sensitive on my hands and feet. One other discomfort that during Round 1 I thought was attributable to some recent dental work I had, I experienced this afternoon. Right at the jaw 'hinge', like a major cramping or spasm, like eating a very sour lemon. Googled it and they said Oxiplaitin can cause that. It only happens with the first bite of food, and then it goes away. Another check box to check - Check.



10:23 pm - Trying to go to sleep....after taking a 3 hour nap today...gonna be tough. So the end of Day 1 of Round 2....Overall, not bad, I have learned alot from Round 1 and know what to look for, what to do and not to do. I am getting more of a sense that I can do this, and with moderation and wisdom, do the other stuff I need to get done. But I have also noticed that if you are having a really good day, relative to what you are going through, some think you are having a 'normal' really good day don't understand the difference. And what I am coming to learn is you just have to say NO, sorry, I can't do that today. And taking a nap is not a bad thing sometimes. Rather enjoyable as a matter of fact.

Called my Mom today, she wanted to know how I was doing and how the treatment went today. She said she couldn't help worrying about her two boys, no matter how old we get, we're still her babies. Hoping I can get her and my brother out this summer for a trip to Old San Juan PR. That will be a fun trip.

10:38 pm - Whirrr - click! Gentle reminder that he's still here, awake, and doing his job. Thanks 'buddy', I do appreciate you. I expect a quiet night.

March 20, 2011 - Getting Ready for Round 2

Well, a good "off-week" all in all. But in the words of Han Solo to Luke Skywalker..."don't get cocky, kid". I have been very fortunate to have had a good first session of chemo. Many of my friends who have gone through this told me to savor the good feelings. Porta-cath, or whatever you call it, healing up, bruising going away. Still feels creepy under the skin.

One thing I did discover this week is that even though I feel great and have a good appetite, I can't eat the way I did before starting the treatments. Note to self: "Two Chicago-style hot dogs and a double order of Tater Tots from Sonic for lunch is probably one hot dog and a half-order of Tots too many for now - Check". That combination made for a very miserable evening. But then again, the miserable evening may not have had anything to do with the chemo, but just a poor lunch selection! (but it was good at the time) It seems to be easier if I eat small meals spaced throughout the day rather than the normal 3 meals a day I feel better. Oh yeah, water, water, and more water.

This past week Donna and Deanna went to San Diego on Monday, got home Friday afternoon. Katherine left Wednesday morning for Chicago, gets back tonight. Yes....they abandoned me. Left me with 3 dogs and 6 cats to care of!! Poor me....not really. If I had any ill effects from the treatments we would have put the dogs in the kennel...oh, they were still going to San Diego and leaving me, but I would be getting a break on the dog care! My brother Bob and sister-in-law Carol came over from San Antonio while the rest of the family was gone. Bob said it was a welcomed break, but I think it was a covert plan of our Mother's to have him check me out and report back to her. It was good to have them visit.

Tomorrow I start prepping for Round 2. Bloodwork first thing Monday morning to measure the white blood cell count. I was supposed to be in Oslo, Norway this week at a conference, but because I was just finishing my first treatment session, we thought it would be best to NOT be out of the country in the event I have some adverse reaction. Oh well, next year for sure. I told my good friend Lynn I was regretting not going now since I was feeling so good this week. She cautioned me though, saying I could feel good but if my white blood count isn't where the Doc wants it to be, it could affect Round 2. So, moral of the story.....patience. Right now, 6 months seems like 6 years...but really, it will pass quickly and I'll have this Blog to read and wonder what all the fuss was about. Most important, I have great friends and family for support.

March 14, 2011 - The "Off Week"

Well the weekend was a rough one as a blogged on Saturday. Sunday is still a fog, the aching bones and joints with a nagging headache a little nausea. Napped off and on. Went into work today, but left early as I had absolutely no strength in my legs and back.

Every Sunday I call my 80-year old mother to check in on her and see how she's doing, after all, she is 80-years old, right? Well, I turn 56 this year and my mother is as worried about me now as she did when I was 5 or 6. I didn't tell her or my brother about the cancer until I could tell them in person over Christmas. I could see she was visibly upset at the prospect of her son being sick and there wasn't anything she could do about it. She knows I am a grown man, but the "Mom factor" was in high gear. Of course I hadn't had the surgery yet and we didn't know then what we know now.

My dad passed away in 1993 with lung cancer and she spent many a long day caring for him. She saw what the disease did to him and I know she is worried about me. The difference is my age and my type of cancer. That's what I keep telling her. I am very upbeat about the prognosis and it is very important as I talk to her every week that she knows I am confident about my recovery so she can be confident as well. She is an avid golfer (did I mention she is 80?) so I make sure we talk golf when I call, after she gets my health update of course. With Donna going out of town for the week and Katherine heading to Chicago later, my mom asked if I wanted her to fly out and stay with me. She couldn't tell over the phone that made me cry. I told her she was welcome to come, but I would be alright. Travelling at 80 is a challenge. Heck, travelling at 56 is a challenge nowadays. I feel good, optimistic that the future Rounds will be like the first.

Well the upcoming 10 days is consider my 'off week' so I don't expect much happening. I'll pick up the posts next week as I head into Round 2. Thanks to all who send me well wishes, I do appreciate it.

March 12, 2011 - Part 2

Well, Part 1 was really yesterday, Part 2 covers today....

It's Saturday....the 'day after' and its starting out a little sketchy. Not quite nauseous, not chipper and ready to run a couple miles....Yesterday, as I was leaving the Drs office, you remember I told you I got a shot of Neulasta as a parting gift. Neulasta is given to help prevent infections during chemotherapy by stimulating the body to generate white blood cells. That is important. It has side effects too....they warned me. But I was having such a great Round 1, I thought I'd be spared. Well, not so fast. "Side effects include: bone pain (yes), muscle pain (yes), headache (check), JOINT PAIN (exclamation point!!) yes. They said it would be sort of like the flu and they were right. Misery most of the day. Two Advil did the trick, but I think Hydrocodone will come in handy next Round.

2:00 pm Deanna made it down from Dallas. She and Donna are going to San Diego on Monday for Spring Break. Katherine is going to Chicago with her orchestra for the week. They're leaving me....

6:00 pm The joint pain, headache, and back ache is too much. Two Advil and I have to lay down. I'm getting moody....what's that all about? I'll try a little nap....

7:30 pm Katherine is off early, so Deanna and Donna are going to pick her up. Think I'll try a little dinner. It's been a long day so far, but I am very fortunate for the few trials I have had to endure so far. My thoughts are with you Larry and Linda...

March 12, 2011 - Round 1, Done

(I am posting for yesterday because I couldn't remember how to log into my own blog!! So, first yesterday, then later I'll write about today. Lynn, you were right, chemo-brain!!)

March 11, 2011 - 9:30 am Went to the Dr's office to drop off my "buddy" for about a week and a half. He'll get a check up and fresh bag of 5 FU for me then...see ya, I'll miss the little guy.

Removal of the line was liberating in a couple ways...first of course being untethered. Second, it represented the end of Round 1. I made it through my first treatment. Although I came through without the terrible nausea and fatigue and other more common side affects, I am not counting my chickens to soon. I have 11 more tests ahead.

I went back to work after the Drs visit and did alright. They gave me the complementary parting gift at the Drs office of a Neulasta shot for building white blood cells. I hate shots, but Wendy did a good job....She said "you did great for your first round, now this shot will make you feel lousy tomorrow. Like you've got the flu...achy muscles, back, etc." She explained its the bone marrow being called upon to make up new white blood cells. Okay, thanks, something to look forward to.

I don't know if I just ate too big a lunch or what, but by the end of the work day I was feeling a little "edgey". You know, am I gonna be sick or not? Got home and dinner was not on my agenda tonight. Tried to keep a quiet night. I was bound and determined NOT to have to take an anti-nausea pill. I was tired but had to stay up to pick up Katherine from her job at 10 pm.

9:40 pm Katherine called, she's ready to be picked up....whoa, okay, walk quietly to the door and get in the truck and drive over. "at the edge, away from the edge, back at the edge"...whew boy, what a long drive there (not really, about 5 minutes) and back. Katherine said "Dad, whatever you do...don't throw up!!" Well, I didn't, much to her relief.

10:30 pm Home, jammies on, heading to bed. Okay, I took a pill....it worked!!! I started feeling better and could actually get to sleep. The day is done. I survived.

March 10, 2011 - 24 hours into Chemo

Well, starting at 10 pm last night, I was tired enough to go to bed at a decent hour....not fatigued from the chemo, just tired from the long day. I learned something from my "buddy"....he has an annoying habit of cycling every 30 seconds or so...not loud, just a little whirring...click! Just enough to wake me from a light dozing...my dilemma would come with bedtime. Well, I played out enough tubing to put it next to me, surrounding it, then a pillow on top. Ahhh, peace and quiet. I slept through the night.

5:00 am Today, up at 5 am, not by choice, but Max and Toby think its time to eat...which means Gee wants to come in and eat, which mean Casper and Rascal need to eat...after getting the livestock fed it was time to wake up. Amazingly, no nausea, although they gave me an hours worth of drip during the first treatment so I guess it is doing its job. I'll get the real picture maybe tomorrow or Saturday. I hope this is a good sign I can tolerate the treatments pretty well.

5:30 am Next dilemma....taking a shower. Since my port went in yesterday, the incisions were only closed with skin glue, so it was recommended I put a covering over it for awhile. Saran wrap works great! I hung up "buddy" on a clothes hanger on the outside of the shower, but it was still a challenge to wash my hair and all being tethered like this. I am glad I only have "him" for 46 hours.

6:45am In the car, taking Katherine to work. First driving in 24 hours. I went into work today and felt great, lots of energy, got a lot done. No nausea at all during the day.

6:45 pm Home now and a light dinner (with hiccups now, I never get the hiccups) and I feel pretty good. Hope I'm not fooling myself. It was interesting today at work. Wearing my "buddy" today was a conversation starter for the many who had no idea I what I was dealing with. Lot's of encouragement and well wishes. I am confident I will do well throughout this ordeal. Well, gonna kick back and blog some more before bed....

March 9, 2011 - Part 2 Chemo Begins

We went straight over to Dr. Baltz's after I had the port put in, around 10:00 am. They said all the chairs were full and asked me to come back at 11:00....

11:00 am Back to the office....3 open chairs, no waiting. Found a comfy recliner and settled in. There were 4 patients there when I got there...I guy was finishing up and left. A second guy had about 30 minutes left then he was gone....

They hooked me up and started the first hour of treatment giving me anti-nausea meds for what may happen in the next 24 and 48 hours. It was like being the new kid at school...I sat quietly, careful not to strike up a conversation too quickly....two ladies Nancy and Marie were there. I mostly visited with Nancy....getting the low down on appetite (or her lack of one), hair loss, nausea, etc. This was here second round of treatments since initial in 2008.

12:15 Finally hooked up the chemo drugs....about 2 two hour discharge rate...nothing eventful today. That's the way its supposed to be. I need to be ready for tomorrow and Friday...that will be telling.

2:30 Finally home....have my little "buddy" with me everywhere I go. Ate some lunch, finally, I was hungry. Hope I keep an appetite.

7:40 Wrapping up this blog. Hope its okay. I want to keep track of my progress and experience through this process.

March 9, 2011 - Treatments begin....

Well, I've raced through a brief history taking me to this current post. Just a step back one day to yesterday....met with Dr. Baltz prior to getting started with the chemotherapy. Again, he was very good. I had my "list" of questions for him...'tell me about fatigue'; 'will I lose my hair'; 'with that pump, how do I, uh, you know, uh sit down to....you know.."; he answered them all. I will be fatigued, but adjust my workload to my level of energy. My hair...he said probably not, maybe thinning....I am preparing to have to be sporting a baseball cap just the same.

He said with only one lymph node affected, he said that was more like having no node, but still the same, the chemo would be good insurance against recurrence. My CT Scan came back totally clean, labs were excellent, I was ready to have the port installed this morning and start the treatments.

7:30 am Checked into the cardiac ward at Northwest Memorial for the procedure. Took me back right away and prep began: change into the fashion award-winning hospital gown "opening to the back"-check; blood pressure and temperature -check; start the IV "little pinch" - check; then I was wheeled back to the IR at about 8:10.

8:30 am Nurses have me prepped, the 'drape' over the spot and shielding my face. Time for the 'twilight' juice (I didn't really feel anything, but I guess the fact I talked to the doctor throughout the procedure without complaining means it probably worked!)

8:35 am Dr. Katz started by giving me a few 'locals' around the site (I did feel those, I thought I wouldn't) then he started the insertion. Felt a lot of pushing and tugging and more pushing, all the while he's talking current events with me!

9:00 am All done! Back to recovery. Easy-peasy.

9:20 am Wheeling me to truck to leave. Next stop...Dr. Baltz's office to start the treatments...

February 21, 2011 - The Oncologist....

First meeting today with Dr. Richard Baltz. Terrific guy, from Louisiana with a very lively personality that made this first meeting so much better. He said my prognosis was very good, and the chance of recurrence was only 30 to 40%. He said to improve those odds by 30 to 40%, he is recommending a 6-month treatment regimen of chemotherapy, every two-weeks come in for a 3-hour session and wear a personal infusion pump for 46 hours at home. I can do that...I think...

Next step, some lab work, another CT Scan to make sure nothing else is lurking out there and then we start. Oh yeah, did I mention he said they needed to place a "catheter/port" in my upper chest where the chemo will be administered? Now I'm nervous again....more next week.

February 9, 2011 - Final sign off from Dr. Newton

Met with my surgeon for my final six-week check up. Everything has healed great and he is very pleased with my progress. The only thing next is to meet with the oncologist and lay out the "plan". Dr. Newton is great, he made the whole ordeal so much easier from the beginning. Cheers, Doc!!

December 16, 2010 - The Day the Music Died....

It started at 6 pm last night...."Fill the container with lukewarm water to the line and shake well. Drink all contents in a one-hour period." What an ordeal. The idea of a colonoscopy is bad enough, but my gosh they don't make it easy getting prepared. The concoction looked innocent enough, smelled a bit like lemonade...how bad could it be? WHOA....GAG BAD! It was like salty lemonade. An hour later... I was done... I was miserable...but I didn't have any idea what was coming up...or rather coming out!!



All night long...here it comes....get out of the way!!!! Ughhh. Okay, back to the recliner, relax. Uh oh.....out of the way!!! Ughhhh.



5 am December 16....drink a little more....move a little more....head to the Clinic. Its very conveniently located across the hall from the Doctor's office....convenient for him. Arrived around 7 am, changed into the stylish gown...start the IV. Last minute instructions and they wheel me off...here we go.



7:30 am - in the operating room, or it looks like it. Dr. Memon is there...get me in position...anesthesiologist comes over and says "nighty night".....



9:00 am - where am I??? My eyes focus, there's Donna and Dr. Memon by my bedside. He doesn't look too happy. Well? "Well, we found a mass..." A mass, what does that mean? A tumor. An angry looking one according to the lovely color glossies he gave me. What did he think? "Oh, its probably cancerous. But we can take care of that. Here is the name of a gastro surgeon. They'll be able to remove it. Pretty routine."



Just about the time he said "oh, its probably cancerous", I stopped hearing anything else. It was my worst fear. I had colon cancer. Now what?



11:00 am - Donna's on the phone with the surgeon's office making an appointment. Its Thursday, the 16th, she is able get me an appointment with the surgeon on the next Tuesday, December 21. Amazing...



December 21, 2010....First appointment with Dr. Newton, gastro surgeon. "So why are you here?" I said I have a tumor in my colon. He said "You're in the right place. We can take care of it." We said we would like the surgery as soon as possible. He said, being the week after Christmas it was unlikely I could get in before mid-January, but he would check for an earlier date. How about December 27? I'll take it....



December 27, 2010....5:00 am...up and getting ready to head to the hospital...7:00 am check in...sit and wait...they take me back at 7:30....Donna stays in the waiting room with Misty. Four and a half hours later its done. It took a little longer than he thought, the tumor was bigger than expected, he had to make a 3 inch incision below the navel so he could remove the section of colon with the tumor attached....



Out of recovery and up to my room. Laproscopic surgery requires only a 3 to 4 day stay. I was bound and determined to get out of there in that time frame.



I WONT CHRONICLE THE 3 DAYS I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE FRANKLY, I DONT REMEMBER MUCH.



I was discharged on December 30 after just 3 days...right on his schedule