Thursday - December 15, 2011 "All right Mr. DeMille. I'm ready for my close-up."

December 15, 2011 - Four months post-chemo.

Okay, about four months and a week or so, but who's counting? Had my big photo shoot today!! Wow. Spent all yesterday afternoon and evening 'prepping' for my appointment with the 'little' camera. I wanted to look my best so I went on a strict light diet about 5 days ago, way earlier than they suggest, but I thought 'hey, I put on a few pounds from Thanksgiving and our trip to Seattle, it can't hurt!!' So I started Saturday and by Wednesday afternoon...I....was....HUNGRY!!! Every commercial was about food it seemed like. I was watching some of the Christmas stories on TV with Santa and his reindeer, and I was thinking, 'I wonder what reindeer steaks would taste like??' Scott is home from his missionary service and trying to get back into the swing of life, stopped by Chipotle yesterday and brought a burrito home....right at the height of my 'all liquids diet'. Kids...gotta love 'em!!

Got up early today, showered, shaved, and made sure my hair was combed just right. Even though the doctor and his camera were going to be situated...eh hem...a bit further south. Anyway, enough with this. My 'procedure' was a 100% success! Dr. Newton, my gastro surgeon who did my resection last year said everything 'up there' looked great. I am sure he was also bragging about HIS stitchery, but that's okay. He said he saw nothing new developing so I was good to go!!

I have truly been blessed through this part of the ordeal. I feel great and looking forward to a great new year. All the kids and the new grandson will be here for Christmas, first time in 2 years. My 81 year old mom, and my brother and some of his family are coming over from San Antonio. What a great time of year.

My thoughts and prayers are for the many others struggling with cancer, from our good friend to those we don't know. This has been an eye opener for me. As I have said before, priorities in my life are changed now. I concentrate on the more important aspects of my life....my family and my friends. I still love my job, and I am SUPER PSYCHED about my Puerto Rico Project, but I won't let those overshadow the importance my family is to me.

I hope to continue on this healthful path and will contribute my thoughts here along the way. Thank you my friends. If you read this blog, you are my friend. Thank you. Happy Holidays.

Friday, October 28, 2011 - Three Months Post Chemo

Friday, October 28, 2011 -- Well, nearly 3 mos post-chemo....another week and it will be 3 mos, but who's counting? Neuropathy is still a problem...but I think getting better. Fingers are coming along fine. Feet....well that's another story. I think my little grandson will find his toes before I do....sigh, the circle of life. Speaking of the little guy...he's getting big! But then again one would expect that!!

Had my three month check up with Onco and gastro surgeon. It's good to finish a Dr's checkup with him saying 'well, you look great! See you in another 3 months!!' I am truly blessed to have the recovery I have had and the continued improving health. My surgeon said the incisions look great....overall great....so when do you want to do the colonoscopy? I said "great...." Hard to imagine, but I am actually NOT nervous and looking forward to great results. I know what to expect now, as far as the prep work, drinking that lovely kool-aid....then the lovely after affects...very refreshing. I'll start my clear liquids diet really early. Maybe I'll lose some of the extra pounds that have come back after my treatments. Twenty pounds by December 6!!!

Had a couple visits to an accupressurist (sp?) this month. Interesting. Great massage. Not sure about the 'energy flow' out my finger tips and toes. But keeping an open mind.....great massage....mmmmmmmm.I'm gonna look into yoga maybe...tai chi...something.

The neuropathy works on your mind as much as it does affecting your feet and hands. Some days you think you are going to go out of your mind. I park in the handicap spot at work. It's very nice not having to walk long distances. Its difficult to explain to your co-workers coming in. They don't understand how 'sore feet' can warrant a handicap placard. Believe me, if I didn't need it I would park at the farthest end of the parking garage and walk in. Okay, not really. I would like to NOT have neuropathy for sure, but even if it went away tomorrow I'd still park as close as possible. I'm honest!

Hmmm....11:45 pm. the neurontin is kicking in...I'll blog again after the 'scope and let everybody know 'what's up my ......"

October 7, 2011 Two months Post Chemo

Friday, October 7, 2011 - Well, two months have past since ending chemo. About 3 weeks since they removed the porta-cath. Scar is looking good, still sore sometimes. My birthday was this week. This one I guess meant more to me than some of the others....for a couple reasons. One, I guess the obvious, I made it through chemo therapy...two, I have a new grandson. So it has been a pretty good birthday. Oh yeah, last month I was able to see Scott in Washington. That made my whole year. I sat down and talked to him about the cancer and the treatments and how I was doing now and how I was looking forward to him coming home in December and maybe consider going back to school in January here in Texas.....hmmm....nah, I want to go back to Virginia. So much for the love of a child.....ha ha. Really though we are excited for him to go where he will do the best.

Neuropathy is really kicking my behind. My hands/fingers are getting better (not 100%) but my feet are really not any better that I can tell. I have been going to an accupressure person (I guess that's what you call them). Press here....rub here....POUND on my back....rub my neck...walk on my feet and legs....VERY relaxing....I do feel great afterwards....not my feet...but everywhere else. Learned some breathing exercises (she teaches yoga too) to relax. So all in all, not so bad. I am waiting for the day that I wake up in the morning, put my feet on the floor and voila!!! I can feel the carpet with my toes!!!! Not yet though. Take my neurontin at night and it helps... When I was coming home from Alaska last month I sat next to an accuPUNCTURIST (as opposed to an accuPRESSURE person). I talk to him about the neuropathy and he told me how he would treat it. He was attending a conference of accupuncturists in Houston and said if he could identify a good one near where I lived he would get in touch. Haven't heard from him....I'll stick with my accupressure person.

I have started walking on my treadmill at least a mile a day, trying to work off the weight I put back on after chemo. A little tough with numb feet, but I am determined. I want to lose 20 lbs by the time we go to Seattle to pick up Scott. I can do it (if Katherine will stop bringing chocolate cake home!!)

I got a message from a friend in California diagnosed with colon cancer last year as well, although much more serious than mine. So serious, my ordeal pales next to his. I heard from his wife that he is doing so much better, back to 'normal'....post chemo, I don't remember what normal is. Just so happy he is doing better. Steve Jobs died this week. He was 56. I just turned 56.......makes you think....but he had such a sense about his own mortality that was refreshing....he said:

"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'" And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."

I am no where near the genius Jobs was. But his words inspired me. I will live each day as it was my last, someday it will be. In my work and with my family, I will do my best for them. And for my friends, I will treat with the utmost respect for I want to be remembered as a good friend. I plan on being around for another 30+ years and I want to live those years the best I can. Hopefully the feeling will come back to my toes before the end!!!!

Thanks for reading. I'll keep writing for a bit longer. Take care.

September 14, 2011 So long 'nubby'!

September 14, 2011 - Wednesday. Just a quick entry to the blog just because its a bit of a milestone for me. Fasting now, getting ready for the minor outpatient surgery in the morning to take out my 'nubby' (ala 'Friends' character Chandler and his third nipple....he called it his 'nubby'.) Anyway, I get the Porta-cath removed tomorrow. The last remnant (besides the neuropathy @#!)of my chemo.

It took 20 minutes to put it in, hopefully it will be quicker taking it out. I will be glad when I can take a shower and not see that lump in my chest! It has been a long road so far.

So, off to bed, up early, 'nubby' gone by 9 am! Tomorrow will be a great day.

September 9, 2011 Save the Date

Friday, September 9 - Wow! It's almost over. Got the call yesterday (actually, they called Donna's cell) from the surgical center scheduling me for the procedure to take the Porta-Cath out of my chest. Hoooray! It was Labor Day weekend last weekend and Monday was a holiday. I couldn't get my lab work done on Monday; lab was closed. So Tuesday, I was the first one through the doors at the lab. In and out in 15 minutes!! Wednesday....call Dr. Baltze's office to tell them I had the lab work done. They said they would look for it and write the surgical orders and give me a call. Takes me to Thursday and that call. Donna was leaving for her trip up the Interstate to Dallas to rescue Deanna (new Mom) and see our new little grandson, Mason. I was following her and all of sudden she pulls into the Shell gas station. Uh oh I thought. She's in the new car....what could be wrong? I pulled along side and she rolled down the window and said the surgical center called her and asked her when I wanted to get the procedure done. Thursday, 7:30 am....come fasting. Looking back it reminded me when I got the call from the 'other ' surgical center that I could come NOW for my prep work for my colon surgery. Seems like a lifetime ago. The neuropathy is really getting on my nerves!! Ha ha, a little chemo humor! But I've earned the right to use it. Really, it is getting old. As I sit here and try to type, my finger tips are on fire. Its hard to describe how it feels, its just....awful. Went to the grocery store tonight...my feet were killing me. Awful. It felt like boulders in the soles of my shoes...knives jabbing through my toes. Thank goodness for the handicap placard. I don't think I could have walked to the far end of the parking lot tonight. Neurontin at bedtime helps for most of the next day, but by mid-afternoon its gone and the pain begins. I hope this gets better like everyone says it will. But, despite these challenges I am committed to NOT let this get me down. I am grateful to be healthier now. Grateful for the little things in my life now (Mason included). Sad and glad day tomorrow as my oldest son and his wife are moving out into their own apartment. I know they are excited to get out again into their own life. Its been a challenge for my daughter-in-law living here. She is very excited. C'mon Thursday.....

September 3,2011 - One month post treatment

Saturday, September 3 - Well, coming up on one month post treatment! I can truly say I don't miss the bi-weekly trips to the clinic. Next Tuesday I will do my final lab work and then get the surgical order to remove the Porta-Cath from my chest. That will be a relief. The biggest hurdle now....neuropathy. I am sure any of you reading this that have either gone through this yourself or a family member or friend can relate. The chemo damages the nerves in your extremities (particularly hands and feet). It is extremely frustrating to walk and right now...type!! I had to go to a touch screen Blackberry because I couldn't use the keyboard to text because of the pain. It's funny as I type this blog, I am normally a very fast typer and I'll be flying along here and then look at the screen and say "what was I trying to say there???" My fingers get all messed up typing. The Doc says the feeling will eventually return, not 100%, but some of it. I can live with that if the treatments took care of the cancer. The pain is sometime unbearable in my feet and fingers. Doc made me get a handicap placard (blue, for 'permanent disability'). Very helpful, but rather humbling to park in the designated parking zone. I don't want to be 'permanently' disabled. I have a new grandson that makes all the chemo treatments worth it. I have a son coming home this December from 2 years of missionary service in Washington and that makes the chemo treatments worth it. It has been a terribly depressing 6 months but I have kept going. I have maintained as high a level of effort at my work as possible as I did not want to use this illness as an excuse to 'take it easy'. I battle it everyday. I think I'll make it. (After I typed that statement, I backspaced and was going to change it to 'know I'll make it', but changed it back. Because I don't 'know' if I can, but I know I will try.) I hope the neuropathy passes quickly. I am looking forward to living a nearly normal life for a while longer. Oh yeah...50 and over?? Get 'scoped!!

August 15, 2011 Across the Finish Line

Monday - Done, and done. Well, I can't believe it....Round 12 completed last Friday and its over. Its over...O-VER...Seems like March was a lifetime ago. In a way, it was. Before the surgery in December I had another life. After that it all changed. The last 4 sessions, I have to admit, were easier than the first 8. No Oxaliplatin for the last 4, so the side effects were not as dramatic. I still had to carry my "buddy" with me, and that was bad enough. But now its over. I still have the Port-a-cath in my chest, but I should have that out in about 4 weeks. Once removed I'll really feel better.

Fact remains, I was diagnosed with cancer. One of the most feared things to hear. I know it scared me plenty. I look back at this blog, going back to the beginning and each week was a challenge. Each week seemed like it was an eternity. Each week of treatment I was going to get that 'poke'. I hated it. Still do. I worry about the others I shared those hours in the recliners, hooked up to those bags, dripping poison into our veins. I hope they all make it. I hope I do too.

I don't know what I'll do with myself next Monday morning when I don't have to go to the lab for blood work. (I will go back in about 4 weeks before I get the port removed) So that's it for a while. I guess I'll post with any milestones. I appreciate all of the encouragement from my friends these past 6 months. It really kept me going. If you haven't you're routine 'scope, do it. It could save your life. I know it saved mine.