Friday, October 28, 2011 - Three Months Post Chemo

Friday, October 28, 2011 -- Well, nearly 3 mos post-chemo....another week and it will be 3 mos, but who's counting? Neuropathy is still a problem...but I think getting better. Fingers are coming along fine. Feet....well that's another story. I think my little grandson will find his toes before I do....sigh, the circle of life. Speaking of the little guy...he's getting big! But then again one would expect that!!

Had my three month check up with Onco and gastro surgeon. It's good to finish a Dr's checkup with him saying 'well, you look great! See you in another 3 months!!' I am truly blessed to have the recovery I have had and the continued improving health. My surgeon said the incisions look great....overall great....so when do you want to do the colonoscopy? I said "great...." Hard to imagine, but I am actually NOT nervous and looking forward to great results. I know what to expect now, as far as the prep work, drinking that lovely kool-aid....then the lovely after affects...very refreshing. I'll start my clear liquids diet really early. Maybe I'll lose some of the extra pounds that have come back after my treatments. Twenty pounds by December 6!!!

Had a couple visits to an accupressurist (sp?) this month. Interesting. Great massage. Not sure about the 'energy flow' out my finger tips and toes. But keeping an open mind.....great massage....mmmmmmmm.I'm gonna look into yoga maybe...tai chi...something.

The neuropathy works on your mind as much as it does affecting your feet and hands. Some days you think you are going to go out of your mind. I park in the handicap spot at work. It's very nice not having to walk long distances. Its difficult to explain to your co-workers coming in. They don't understand how 'sore feet' can warrant a handicap placard. Believe me, if I didn't need it I would park at the farthest end of the parking garage and walk in. Okay, not really. I would like to NOT have neuropathy for sure, but even if it went away tomorrow I'd still park as close as possible. I'm honest!

Hmmm....11:45 pm. the neurontin is kicking in...I'll blog again after the 'scope and let everybody know 'what's up my ......"

October 7, 2011 Two months Post Chemo

Friday, October 7, 2011 - Well, two months have past since ending chemo. About 3 weeks since they removed the porta-cath. Scar is looking good, still sore sometimes. My birthday was this week. This one I guess meant more to me than some of the others....for a couple reasons. One, I guess the obvious, I made it through chemo therapy...two, I have a new grandson. So it has been a pretty good birthday. Oh yeah, last month I was able to see Scott in Washington. That made my whole year. I sat down and talked to him about the cancer and the treatments and how I was doing now and how I was looking forward to him coming home in December and maybe consider going back to school in January here in Texas.....hmmm....nah, I want to go back to Virginia. So much for the love of a child.....ha ha. Really though we are excited for him to go where he will do the best.

Neuropathy is really kicking my behind. My hands/fingers are getting better (not 100%) but my feet are really not any better that I can tell. I have been going to an accupressure person (I guess that's what you call them). Press here....rub here....POUND on my back....rub my neck...walk on my feet and legs....VERY relaxing....I do feel great afterwards....not my feet...but everywhere else. Learned some breathing exercises (she teaches yoga too) to relax. So all in all, not so bad. I am waiting for the day that I wake up in the morning, put my feet on the floor and voila!!! I can feel the carpet with my toes!!!! Not yet though. Take my neurontin at night and it helps... When I was coming home from Alaska last month I sat next to an accuPUNCTURIST (as opposed to an accuPRESSURE person). I talk to him about the neuropathy and he told me how he would treat it. He was attending a conference of accupuncturists in Houston and said if he could identify a good one near where I lived he would get in touch. Haven't heard from him....I'll stick with my accupressure person.

I have started walking on my treadmill at least a mile a day, trying to work off the weight I put back on after chemo. A little tough with numb feet, but I am determined. I want to lose 20 lbs by the time we go to Seattle to pick up Scott. I can do it (if Katherine will stop bringing chocolate cake home!!)

I got a message from a friend in California diagnosed with colon cancer last year as well, although much more serious than mine. So serious, my ordeal pales next to his. I heard from his wife that he is doing so much better, back to 'normal'....post chemo, I don't remember what normal is. Just so happy he is doing better. Steve Jobs died this week. He was 56. I just turned 56.......makes you think....but he had such a sense about his own mortality that was refreshing....he said:

"If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'" And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." "Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."

I am no where near the genius Jobs was. But his words inspired me. I will live each day as it was my last, someday it will be. In my work and with my family, I will do my best for them. And for my friends, I will treat with the utmost respect for I want to be remembered as a good friend. I plan on being around for another 30+ years and I want to live those years the best I can. Hopefully the feeling will come back to my toes before the end!!!!

Thanks for reading. I'll keep writing for a bit longer. Take care.

September 14, 2011 So long 'nubby'!

September 14, 2011 - Wednesday. Just a quick entry to the blog just because its a bit of a milestone for me. Fasting now, getting ready for the minor outpatient surgery in the morning to take out my 'nubby' (ala 'Friends' character Chandler and his third nipple....he called it his 'nubby'.) Anyway, I get the Porta-cath removed tomorrow. The last remnant (besides the neuropathy @#!)of my chemo.

It took 20 minutes to put it in, hopefully it will be quicker taking it out. I will be glad when I can take a shower and not see that lump in my chest! It has been a long road so far.

So, off to bed, up early, 'nubby' gone by 9 am! Tomorrow will be a great day.

September 9, 2011 Save the Date

Friday, September 9 - Wow! It's almost over. Got the call yesterday (actually, they called Donna's cell) from the surgical center scheduling me for the procedure to take the Porta-Cath out of my chest. Hoooray! It was Labor Day weekend last weekend and Monday was a holiday. I couldn't get my lab work done on Monday; lab was closed. So Tuesday, I was the first one through the doors at the lab. In and out in 15 minutes!! Wednesday....call Dr. Baltze's office to tell them I had the lab work done. They said they would look for it and write the surgical orders and give me a call. Takes me to Thursday and that call. Donna was leaving for her trip up the Interstate to Dallas to rescue Deanna (new Mom) and see our new little grandson, Mason. I was following her and all of sudden she pulls into the Shell gas station. Uh oh I thought. She's in the new car....what could be wrong? I pulled along side and she rolled down the window and said the surgical center called her and asked her when I wanted to get the procedure done. Thursday, 7:30 am....come fasting. Looking back it reminded me when I got the call from the 'other ' surgical center that I could come NOW for my prep work for my colon surgery. Seems like a lifetime ago. The neuropathy is really getting on my nerves!! Ha ha, a little chemo humor! But I've earned the right to use it. Really, it is getting old. As I sit here and try to type, my finger tips are on fire. Its hard to describe how it feels, its just....awful. Went to the grocery store tonight...my feet were killing me. Awful. It felt like boulders in the soles of my shoes...knives jabbing through my toes. Thank goodness for the handicap placard. I don't think I could have walked to the far end of the parking lot tonight. Neurontin at bedtime helps for most of the next day, but by mid-afternoon its gone and the pain begins. I hope this gets better like everyone says it will. But, despite these challenges I am committed to NOT let this get me down. I am grateful to be healthier now. Grateful for the little things in my life now (Mason included). Sad and glad day tomorrow as my oldest son and his wife are moving out into their own apartment. I know they are excited to get out again into their own life. Its been a challenge for my daughter-in-law living here. She is very excited. C'mon Thursday.....

September 3,2011 - One month post treatment

Saturday, September 3 - Well, coming up on one month post treatment! I can truly say I don't miss the bi-weekly trips to the clinic. Next Tuesday I will do my final lab work and then get the surgical order to remove the Porta-Cath from my chest. That will be a relief. The biggest hurdle now....neuropathy. I am sure any of you reading this that have either gone through this yourself or a family member or friend can relate. The chemo damages the nerves in your extremities (particularly hands and feet). It is extremely frustrating to walk and right now...type!! I had to go to a touch screen Blackberry because I couldn't use the keyboard to text because of the pain. It's funny as I type this blog, I am normally a very fast typer and I'll be flying along here and then look at the screen and say "what was I trying to say there???" My fingers get all messed up typing. The Doc says the feeling will eventually return, not 100%, but some of it. I can live with that if the treatments took care of the cancer. The pain is sometime unbearable in my feet and fingers. Doc made me get a handicap placard (blue, for 'permanent disability'). Very helpful, but rather humbling to park in the designated parking zone. I don't want to be 'permanently' disabled. I have a new grandson that makes all the chemo treatments worth it. I have a son coming home this December from 2 years of missionary service in Washington and that makes the chemo treatments worth it. It has been a terribly depressing 6 months but I have kept going. I have maintained as high a level of effort at my work as possible as I did not want to use this illness as an excuse to 'take it easy'. I battle it everyday. I think I'll make it. (After I typed that statement, I backspaced and was going to change it to 'know I'll make it', but changed it back. Because I don't 'know' if I can, but I know I will try.) I hope the neuropathy passes quickly. I am looking forward to living a nearly normal life for a while longer. Oh yeah...50 and over?? Get 'scoped!!

August 15, 2011 Across the Finish Line

Monday - Done, and done. Well, I can't believe it....Round 12 completed last Friday and its over. Its over...O-VER...Seems like March was a lifetime ago. In a way, it was. Before the surgery in December I had another life. After that it all changed. The last 4 sessions, I have to admit, were easier than the first 8. No Oxaliplatin for the last 4, so the side effects were not as dramatic. I still had to carry my "buddy" with me, and that was bad enough. But now its over. I still have the Port-a-cath in my chest, but I should have that out in about 4 weeks. Once removed I'll really feel better.

Fact remains, I was diagnosed with cancer. One of the most feared things to hear. I know it scared me plenty. I look back at this blog, going back to the beginning and each week was a challenge. Each week seemed like it was an eternity. Each week of treatment I was going to get that 'poke'. I hated it. Still do. I worry about the others I shared those hours in the recliners, hooked up to those bags, dripping poison into our veins. I hope they all make it. I hope I do too.

I don't know what I'll do with myself next Monday morning when I don't have to go to the lab for blood work. (I will go back in about 4 weeks before I get the port removed) So that's it for a while. I guess I'll post with any milestones. I appreciate all of the encouragement from my friends these past 6 months. It really kept me going. If you haven't you're routine 'scope, do it. It could save your life. I know it saved mine.

August 7, 2011 - Sunday Heading to Round 12

Sunday, August 7 - Thought I would take the opportunity to add a little before I start the last treatment. This past 'in-between' week was more challenging than most of the others. First, I didn't travel, which I looked forward to after each treatment. I had a Dr's appointment with Dr. Newton, the surgeon, so I couldn't travel this week. I went to church on Sunday to help with our 5-6 yr old class. I think that was a mistake. A couple of the kids weren't feeling well and Donna said I needed to go home. Since I always listen to her, I went. All was good at the beginning of the week. Wednesday was my Newton appointment, which went well..."see you in 3 months, then we'll schedule your first 'scope' in December." Boy, can't wait for that!!

I went back to work after the appointment and it started. I had a bit of a splitting headache and it didn't go away with Tylenol. So by 3pm I went home and went straight to bed. I thought I might just be tired, but the longer I laid there the worse I felt. I started with a mild fever and topped out at 101. Hmmm....Dr Baltz' instructions were to call if I got a temp. He was on call and I was able to speak directly with him. He said since I was off the Oxiaplatin he wasn't as concerned with the fever as he normally would be and said to take Tylenol and if the fever was still there in the morning I should come to his office.

Fortunately by 11 pm Wednesday night the fever was going down and by morning I was okay, save it being a sore throat and some sinus congestion.

On Thursday, we hit the road for Dallas. Deanna (my oldest daughter)was having her first baby (our first grandchild). Still had the sore throat and sinus pressure. Around 745 that evening, our little grandson joined us here in Texas. What a blessing to be alive to withness that!!! By that evening, I was exhausted and my youngest daughter asked me what that white stuff in my left eye was. I had noticed something in my eye as well, but thought it was just allergies. Eye was a little red, but not too bad, so off to bed.

Next morning, I awoke to a fully crusted, bloodshot eye. Yuk. Donna said "uh oh.....looks like pink eye". Gee, wonder where I might have picked that up? And by the way, looks like a cold sore was forming on the upper lip! Great.

I fought it all day Friday but by Saturday my other eye was getting red and excreting white junk as well. So we found a walk-in clinic to have it checked out. Well....Donna was right, conjunctivitis (pink eye), both eyes now. The Dr was concerned that I was on chemo so he ordered blood work to see if my white blood count was okay. Quick poke and draw and off to the lab. He came back and said all my counts were excellent (my blood pressure was elevated)so he could proceed with an antibiotic eye drop treatment. If my WBCs were elevated he said he would have to put me in the hospital. Thank goodness I didn't have to do that. Well the right eye was getting progressively worse (oh by the way, it was 109 degrees in Dallas everyday this week). I started the eye drops and have seen some slow improvements.

Leaving for Houston later today (Sunday) and get to cooler temperatures (high 90's...that's cooler?). What a week!! But, getting a new grandson makes it all better. Except I have been up since 230 this morning tending to my runny eyes.

I just wanted to add this to my journal so I didn't forget all the trials. This next session will be the last. I'll add to the Blog then. Its now 443 am Sunday...maybe I'll try to nap before I head to Houston....