Christmas Eve
Well, first Christmas that I have felt pretty good since finishing Chemo last year. Not all the way there, but much better. In Plano visiting that little grandson of mine. He is a character...not bragging too much, but reminds me of me when I was his age...though I was too young to remember. I guess I would still be in San Juan, running around San Cristobal Fort, driving my Mom and Dad crazy. First night, Sunday, was a reminder of what it was like when our 4 were little. I was sound asleep, 230 am to be exact when I heard the first whimper....then a little cry....then Deanna coming into the guest bedroom with Mason to nurse him. Plop, right up in bed. Would have been ok except she uses one of the 'white noise' gadgets that makes a 'soothing' background noise to help him sleep. Well the noise was...I guess like a water fall or some sort of rushing water. Don't know how he could sleep through that, but it seemed to work! I laid there while Deanna rocked him in bed....whoosh, splash, water falling over rocks....he stirred a little, I rubbed his little sleepy foot hanging by my head and he settled down...gurgle, splash, whoosh...he finally settled down and I thought, okay, back to sleep. Then Deanna gets up, turns around and puts him in bed right next to me...crash, whoosh, splash...got to keep still so he sleeps...but all that sound of running water....well you know what that does....got to keep still...I control my body...I am in control....whoosh, splash...Deanna comes back in takes him back to bed, with her 'gadget' and its quiet again...starting to doze off...nope, I gotta get up...all that running water...gotta go!!
Had my check ups, two year anniversary. Earlier, my GP said things looked good. Saw my surgeon two weeks ago...said I looked great. I had called his office to schedule my annual 'scope, since I hadn't heard from him. The admin asked if I had received a letter from them to schedule and I said no, just thought I had to get an annual check. She looked at my records and said I wasn't scheduled until Dec 2013! Wow, I almost volunteered for a colonoscopy. Who does THAT?? Anyway, Doc said because last year's was clear I was on a two year rotation (no pun intended). Whew....Went to the Oncologist last week. He said everything looked great, would see me in 6 months. Still need a PET Scan next month, but just precautionary. Overall, I am pleased with everything for 2012.
For 2013, lose some more weight and get off BP medication. Neuropathy in my feet is still a problem, but getting used to it...sort of. Depression pops up every once in a while, but I fight through it.
Max Update...buddy Max and I have the routine down now. He is still under observation with Dr. Rainbow every two to three weeks. Still putting drops in his good eye and measuring the ocular pressures. Doc wants to get to the point of long term maintenance medications. Should be 3 or 4 more visits until he is comfortable with the maintenance plan. Otherwise, Max is doing great. His glass eye looks like it will settle into a gray color, but it doesn't seem to bother him. Peripheral vision of course is gone and he does get startled from things coming from his left side, but that will become easier.
Colleague of mine at work had some major surgery last week. Heart thing. He's in his mid 30s....MID 30s! Seems like everything went well. He came to talk to me before his surgery. Said he thought I could relate to the shock of hearing about a major health scare and how it resets your priorities. He has small kids and he said his life is more about his family now and work will find its way. I told him you gain a whole new perspective when faced with your own mortality. You are never the same. Never. Every ache, pain, bruise, or bump worries you. You are never at ease.
I am looking forward to 2013, both for the family and my work. We have some big goals for work and I am glad to be healthy enough to do my part. We have our challenges, but its my other family and I care about them. My immediate family, big plans as well...or at least that's what Donna tells me. I have gotten smarter as I have aged. Donna is smarter than me in a lot of ways when it comes to running this family. Looking forward to spending good times with Mason and all my kids and in-laws. Here's hoping for the best to all my friends and family in the new year!!
Monday, December 24, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
There's more to this life than just me...
I had another birthday earlier this month, made it to 57. The years don't mean much anymore. You are only as old as you feel...or something like that. I want to be 30-something again...I think. Anyway, getting closer to another anniversary to this blog. Neuropathy isn't any better, pretty discouraging. But like I titled today's entry, "There's more to this life than just me..." Lost a friend earlier this month to cancer. We met him and his wife just one time in Roseville, CA a few years back when Tommy was finishing up his church missionary work. We shared a meal and some stories about Tommy growing up. They only knew the smart young missionary that came into their home. When we left they knew a little bit more about him. It was a couple years later we read the news that Larry had cancer and the prognosis was not good. But he endured, and his sweetheart helped him along his journey. It was sad to hear he was gone. I never had it as bad as he did, for that I am grateful, but I thought about him everyday since he was diagnosed and everyday since I was able to finish my chemo.
Went to my General Physician last month for my first physical. Hurrah, everything looked good to him. Cholesterol numbers are coming down. He looked at the biopsy from last spring and was confident as well that it was nothing to worry about. (Easy for the Drs to say, isn't it?) He switched my medication to cope with the neuropathy. It was a big change getting used to it, but I think I'm settled into it now.
Grandson Mason is growing up!! Started walking...showing off!! Not only did he find his toes before me, he walks better than his old grandpa!
Two weeks ago, my life took another turn. This time it had absolutely nothing to do with me or my health. My best buddy, Max (my dog)started to have difficulty seeing the treats we were giving him. He used to be good at catching ice cubes and crunching them up. But all of a sudden he would just let the ice cube hit the ground and he would be looking all over for it. We took him to the vet and was diagnosed with glaucoma! In both eyes and in fact his left eye was already blind. We had emergency surgery to save his right eye, but we lost the left one. I think he has limited vision in the right eye.
Now we have a ritual, twice a day....he gets to sit in the big easy chair (once TABOO for dogs!!) while I put 6 different eye drops in his good eye. At first we had to muzzle him because he didn't like us being around his face so much. But now that he knows what I am doing, he lays down and patiently waits as I put one drop in, wait 5 minutes, put the next drop in, wait 5 more minutes, until all six drops are in. Can you imagine a child sitting still for 30 minutes, no complaints? That's Max. I think about Max all day long. I had to make the decision to remove the blind eye and put in the glass prosthetic eye. I wondered if he was upset with me. Anyway, this is what I meant by titling this "there's more to this life than just me..." Max needs me, for now. He will recover from the surgery, but he will go blind, eventually. There is no stopping glaucoma. I spend my time with him making him as comfortable and loved as I can.
Takes my mind off of my numb toes and aching feet. I get through these days looking forward to taking care of Max.
I had another birthday earlier this month, made it to 57. The years don't mean much anymore. You are only as old as you feel...or something like that. I want to be 30-something again...I think. Anyway, getting closer to another anniversary to this blog. Neuropathy isn't any better, pretty discouraging. But like I titled today's entry, "There's more to this life than just me..." Lost a friend earlier this month to cancer. We met him and his wife just one time in Roseville, CA a few years back when Tommy was finishing up his church missionary work. We shared a meal and some stories about Tommy growing up. They only knew the smart young missionary that came into their home. When we left they knew a little bit more about him. It was a couple years later we read the news that Larry had cancer and the prognosis was not good. But he endured, and his sweetheart helped him along his journey. It was sad to hear he was gone. I never had it as bad as he did, for that I am grateful, but I thought about him everyday since he was diagnosed and everyday since I was able to finish my chemo.
Went to my General Physician last month for my first physical. Hurrah, everything looked good to him. Cholesterol numbers are coming down. He looked at the biopsy from last spring and was confident as well that it was nothing to worry about. (Easy for the Drs to say, isn't it?) He switched my medication to cope with the neuropathy. It was a big change getting used to it, but I think I'm settled into it now.
Grandson Mason is growing up!! Started walking...showing off!! Not only did he find his toes before me, he walks better than his old grandpa!
Two weeks ago, my life took another turn. This time it had absolutely nothing to do with me or my health. My best buddy, Max (my dog)started to have difficulty seeing the treats we were giving him. He used to be good at catching ice cubes and crunching them up. But all of a sudden he would just let the ice cube hit the ground and he would be looking all over for it. We took him to the vet and was diagnosed with glaucoma! In both eyes and in fact his left eye was already blind. We had emergency surgery to save his right eye, but we lost the left one. I think he has limited vision in the right eye.
Now we have a ritual, twice a day....he gets to sit in the big easy chair (once TABOO for dogs!!) while I put 6 different eye drops in his good eye. At first we had to muzzle him because he didn't like us being around his face so much. But now that he knows what I am doing, he lays down and patiently waits as I put one drop in, wait 5 minutes, put the next drop in, wait 5 more minutes, until all six drops are in. Can you imagine a child sitting still for 30 minutes, no complaints? That's Max. I think about Max all day long. I had to make the decision to remove the blind eye and put in the glass prosthetic eye. I wondered if he was upset with me. Anyway, this is what I meant by titling this "there's more to this life than just me..." Max needs me, for now. He will recover from the surgery, but he will go blind, eventually. There is no stopping glaucoma. I spend my time with him making him as comfortable and loved as I can.
Takes my mind off of my numb toes and aching feet. I get through these days looking forward to taking care of Max.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
One Year Post Chemo
Saturday - August 4, 2012
Whew....one year...well, almost. It is Mason's 1 year birthday (my sweet grandson!!) today. My last treatment was August 7 2011. It seems like a lifetime ago. I honestly don't remember much about last year and what I do remember, I don't remember very clearly. My great friend Lynn called it 'chemo brain'. Friends, it is a real side effect!! What I think really happens is that half my brain is consumed with worrying about every ache or pain as being somehow related to the cancer, despite the fact that my doctor gave me a clean bill of health earlier this year. It doesn't help that I still have terrible neuropathy in my feet and legs. Its like sitting cross-legged on the floor and your foot falls asleep? Then you try to get up and walk and your foot and leg tingle...but eventually you get the feeling back. Well, the feeling doesn't come back for me. I never really gave it much thought how much you depend on your feet to stand. Well, I mean stand in a stable manner. Getting out of the shower with wet numb feet....well let's say I've hit the tiles on my behind several times. Glad I didn't hit my head and have to have my family find me spread out on the floor in the old birthday suit!!! Not a pleasant vision, sorry.
Let's take life one day at a time and not make such a big deal about the little stuff. We are all imperfect...that's what makes us who we are. Appreciate what you do have and give your kids an extra hug every once in a while. They'll look at you strangely, but that doesn't matter. You know why you did it. More again when I can remember what to write!!
Whew....one year...well, almost. It is Mason's 1 year birthday (my sweet grandson!!) today. My last treatment was August 7 2011. It seems like a lifetime ago. I honestly don't remember much about last year and what I do remember, I don't remember very clearly. My great friend Lynn called it 'chemo brain'. Friends, it is a real side effect!! What I think really happens is that half my brain is consumed with worrying about every ache or pain as being somehow related to the cancer, despite the fact that my doctor gave me a clean bill of health earlier this year. It doesn't help that I still have terrible neuropathy in my feet and legs. Its like sitting cross-legged on the floor and your foot falls asleep? Then you try to get up and walk and your foot and leg tingle...but eventually you get the feeling back. Well, the feeling doesn't come back for me. I never really gave it much thought how much you depend on your feet to stand. Well, I mean stand in a stable manner. Getting out of the shower with wet numb feet....well let's say I've hit the tiles on my behind several times. Glad I didn't hit my head and have to have my family find me spread out on the floor in the old birthday suit!!! Not a pleasant vision, sorry.
Let's take life one day at a time and not make such a big deal about the little stuff. We are all imperfect...that's what makes us who we are. Appreciate what you do have and give your kids an extra hug every once in a while. They'll look at you strangely, but that doesn't matter. You know why you did it. More again when I can remember what to write!!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Monday - June 25, 2012 - A Sigh of Relief Today
In my last posting, I told you I had a chest x-ray and CT scan done as a routine event. The CT scan showed a very small spot on the top of my liver. Great...what now? It wasn't there before my surgery and after 6 months of chemo....how could this happen? Doc wanted me to get a PET Scan to take a more detailed look. Did that....yep, something's there, but the Doc still has nothing definitive and suggests I have the spot biopsied to know once and for all.
Friday, June 15 - Well, today I went in for the procedure...not too excited at all about someone sticking a needle into me to extract a piece of my liver. A liver I've had all my life...one that I have grown very attached to....all of it. I was not so sure I wanted to give up even a sliver of my liver (hmmm...that rhymes doesn't it?) Anyway, the day arrived and the radiologist comes in and says "Wow, it's pretty small...its on the top of your liver right by your diaphragm. I sure don't want to puncture your lung." Well, I have to say I was right there with him on that one!! So this was a CT guided biopsy, which means he would position the biopsy needle with the help of a CT scanner. After looking at my PET scan a bit more he decided, what the heck, let's go for it!! Not really, he didn't say that, he said he was confident he had enough room in there to be safe. It would have been scary if he DID say "what the heck, let's go for it!"
So we wheel into the exam room and slip into the CT scanner. The nurse asks how I'm doing. Great I say...she says "here's a little something to make it easier". Hmmm...I don't feel anything....she says "no? How about now? Is the ceiling crawling like an alligator?" I don't know if it looked like an alligator, but it sure was dancing around!!! Demorol, the magic potion. So I'm laying there, the Doc is doing something around my rib cage, I guess, then I feel him sort of push hard. Says "okay, let's take some pictures." He uses the CT scanner to 'guide' the placement of the biopsy needle. So he pokes it in, takes a picture, looks at the picture, comes out, adjusts the needle, takes another picture....you get the drift. He finally comes out and says, "okay let's biopsy this. Hold your breath...CLACK...he pulls a plastic-like trigger. Hold your breath....CLACK....one more....CLACK. Okay, relax. He comes back out, pokes again, then hard push. More pictures, more looks, then CLACK....CLACK. Okay, you did great. How do you feel? You're all done. Good job.
And that...is a biopsy. Not too bad...with my good friend Demorol. Back in recovery, the nurse shows me a little glass jar with five little 'threads'. The biopsied liver tissue. Now we wait for the pathologist to read the samples and report to Dr. Baltz.
Monday, June 25 - The longest week goes by...an even longer weekend...time to see Dr. Baltz. They call my name...I go back and they take my weight...no change, darn it! Baltz walks by, pats me on the shoulder and says "Hey, it was negative! Go into the office and let's talk." NEGATIVE. Not cancer! Halleluah! Just a fatty liver. Not the best news, but treatable and normal life ahead. So, there you have it. Another PET scan in 6 months! Looking forward to spending time with my grandchildren!!
Your life is never the same when you are faced with life altering health issues. I am just grateful for my family and friends. Its never too late to clean up your life and eat smart and live a few days longer. I'll blog again with any updates. Take care all.
In my last posting, I told you I had a chest x-ray and CT scan done as a routine event. The CT scan showed a very small spot on the top of my liver. Great...what now? It wasn't there before my surgery and after 6 months of chemo....how could this happen? Doc wanted me to get a PET Scan to take a more detailed look. Did that....yep, something's there, but the Doc still has nothing definitive and suggests I have the spot biopsied to know once and for all.
Friday, June 15 - Well, today I went in for the procedure...not too excited at all about someone sticking a needle into me to extract a piece of my liver. A liver I've had all my life...one that I have grown very attached to....all of it. I was not so sure I wanted to give up even a sliver of my liver (hmmm...that rhymes doesn't it?) Anyway, the day arrived and the radiologist comes in and says "Wow, it's pretty small...its on the top of your liver right by your diaphragm. I sure don't want to puncture your lung." Well, I have to say I was right there with him on that one!! So this was a CT guided biopsy, which means he would position the biopsy needle with the help of a CT scanner. After looking at my PET scan a bit more he decided, what the heck, let's go for it!! Not really, he didn't say that, he said he was confident he had enough room in there to be safe. It would have been scary if he DID say "what the heck, let's go for it!"
So we wheel into the exam room and slip into the CT scanner. The nurse asks how I'm doing. Great I say...she says "here's a little something to make it easier". Hmmm...I don't feel anything....she says "no? How about now? Is the ceiling crawling like an alligator?" I don't know if it looked like an alligator, but it sure was dancing around!!! Demorol, the magic potion. So I'm laying there, the Doc is doing something around my rib cage, I guess, then I feel him sort of push hard. Says "okay, let's take some pictures." He uses the CT scanner to 'guide' the placement of the biopsy needle. So he pokes it in, takes a picture, looks at the picture, comes out, adjusts the needle, takes another picture....you get the drift. He finally comes out and says, "okay let's biopsy this. Hold your breath...CLACK...he pulls a plastic-like trigger. Hold your breath....CLACK....one more....CLACK. Okay, relax. He comes back out, pokes again, then hard push. More pictures, more looks, then CLACK....CLACK. Okay, you did great. How do you feel? You're all done. Good job.
And that...is a biopsy. Not too bad...with my good friend Demorol. Back in recovery, the nurse shows me a little glass jar with five little 'threads'. The biopsied liver tissue. Now we wait for the pathologist to read the samples and report to Dr. Baltz.
Monday, June 25 - The longest week goes by...an even longer weekend...time to see Dr. Baltz. They call my name...I go back and they take my weight...no change, darn it! Baltz walks by, pats me on the shoulder and says "Hey, it was negative! Go into the office and let's talk." NEGATIVE. Not cancer! Halleluah! Just a fatty liver. Not the best news, but treatable and normal life ahead. So, there you have it. Another PET scan in 6 months! Looking forward to spending time with my grandchildren!!
Your life is never the same when you are faced with life altering health issues. I am just grateful for my family and friends. Its never too late to clean up your life and eat smart and live a few days longer. I'll blog again with any updates. Take care all.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday - May 27, 2012 Nine Months Post Chemo
Sunday - May 27, 2012 Fast approaching nine months post chemo. This week I finally went in for my follow up chest x-ray and CT Scan. Dr. Balz wanted me to get these for the medical files. Funny how everything past the initial diagnosis makes you paranoid that every ache and pain is something worse than it might be. I've had a pain in my shoulder for the longest time. Gets worse as I sit at my desk at work at the computer. I am sure its all ergonomics. But my paranoia says its cancer. Bone cancer. Breast cancer. Something bad. Depression keeps creeping in as the neuropathy in my feet continues. Each day I wake up hoping this is the day that the pain will subside and the feeling will come back to my toes.
My travel schedule has increased since my co-worker was diagnosed with his cancer over the Christmas Holidays. He's on his final treatment and the Dr says things are looking good. He may have to do some radiation therapy afterwards. Everyone has challenges in this life, but you just have to take them head on if you can. The best post chemo therapy I have had has been the birth of our first grandson, Mason. Its wonderful how a little spirit comes into your life and gives you a new meaning for fighting on. I have a lot of plans with that little guy and the children that will come after him.
Travelling again this week. Another one of those cross country trips...DC on Tuesday and Wednesday, then on to Puerto Rico on Thursday, home on Sunday. I love to travel...hate to have to run through airports. When I get back its follow up appointments with Balz and Newton. Hope everything continues going well and my x-ray and CT are clear. I'll update with any news. Happy Memorial Day.
My travel schedule has increased since my co-worker was diagnosed with his cancer over the Christmas Holidays. He's on his final treatment and the Dr says things are looking good. He may have to do some radiation therapy afterwards. Everyone has challenges in this life, but you just have to take them head on if you can. The best post chemo therapy I have had has been the birth of our first grandson, Mason. Its wonderful how a little spirit comes into your life and gives you a new meaning for fighting on. I have a lot of plans with that little guy and the children that will come after him.
Travelling again this week. Another one of those cross country trips...DC on Tuesday and Wednesday, then on to Puerto Rico on Thursday, home on Sunday. I love to travel...hate to have to run through airports. When I get back its follow up appointments with Balz and Newton. Hope everything continues going well and my x-ray and CT are clear. I'll update with any news. Happy Memorial Day.
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